One Direction Fanfic: Around in Circles

One Direction Fanfic: Around in Circles

Chapter 21:

Bianca’s POV:

I woke up with a pounding headache and groaned into my pillow. I felt like complete and utter crap and last night’s events did nothing to make me feel better. I groaned again and buried myself under the soft fluffy covers.

“If you groan any louder I’m going to get complaints from the neighbours” A voice chuckled from above me.

I nearly jumped out of my skin and rolled over quickly to see Niall standing beside the bed with a tray in his hands. I growled lowly at him as I put a hand over my racing heart.

“Are you trying to give me a heartache?!” I shrieked

Niall snorted and said “I’m sorry you’re so unobservant that you didn’t hear my LOUD footsteps.”

“Hey I’m plenty observant thank you very much!” I stated.

Niall gave me a ‘get real’ look which I chose to ignore.

I pulled myself up and rested my back against the headboard and Niall handed me the tray he was handing.

“Niall…” I trailed of softly when I saw what he had done.

There in front of me on the tray was a plate full of Chocolate chip pancakes and you could see the chocolate chips sort of formed a smiley face, with strawberries and chocolate sauce on top.

I felt my eyes tear up and Niall looked at me panicky, “Shit sorry Bianca I didn’t mean to make you cry” He said trying to take the tray away from me but I held onto it tightly and shook my head.

My throat had tightened and I was swallowing loudly trying to speak but my voice came out as a whisper as I said “Thank you”

Niall relaxed and I saw him grin at me, “You like it?” He asked.

I shook my head and his face fell before I could whisper “I love it”

Niall grinned hugely and sat down next to me on the bed while I ate quickly, I was starving since I hadn’t eaten properly in days. I saw Niall frowning at me from the corner of my eye but I didn’t look up as I was busy stuffing my face. Normally I wouldn’t let myself eat like that but since I hadn’t eaten properly in days I allowed myself this small treat.

“Bianca you look like you haven’t eaten in days” Niall said jokingly but I could hear the underlining tone in his words.

I shrugged innocently while Niall glared at me.

“Seriously Bianca?” Niall demanded to know.

I ignored him and rubbed my now full tummy. “That was great Niall!” I said enthusiastically.

“I’m glad you like it but don’t think I’m going to forget about this” He said referring to me not eating for days.

I rolled my eyes but nodded at him flashing him a smile.

He smiled back sincerely and jumped out of bed and said “Let’s go!”

“Where?” I asked looking at him confused.

“Just out” He said vaguely.

This time I frowned at him suspiciously but he raised his hands in surrender, “I haven’t seen you in ages and there’s not much to do here” He said

I felt guilty when he said that and I know he could see it on my face.

“Bianca I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty” he said quickly.

I waved him off and got out of bed and stretched my stiff limbs.

“I’ll just hop in the shower then we’ll leave?” I asked him

He quickly nodded and said excitedly “I’m going to be in the lounge then; I want to see how Manchester did last night!”

I chuckled at his excitement and said “Okay off you go” like I was dismissing a little kid.

He practically ran to the room and not a second later I heard the TV being turned on. I chuckled at how quick he was while I grabbed some spare clothes I had left over here.

I had a long hot shower and changed into some light blue jeans and a black singlet. I looked out the window in Niall’s room and saw the weather was taking a turn for the worse so I went to his closet and looked for a jumper to borrow.

I found a comfy looking grey hoodie which I put on and looked in the mirror. The hoodie was a bit a big for me but it looked fine and it smelt so good, so I put my chucks on and brushed my hair and left it out to dry naturally.

When I stepped into the lounge Niall was cursing under his breath at the TV and I let out a small laugh seeing his expression, he always got so worked up about sports it was adorable! Niall glared at me playfully while I tried not to burst into a fit of giggles.

“So I take it they’re not doing too well?” I asked innocently

Niall groaned and switched the TV off and said “Their playing like utter rubbish at the moment!”

I chuckled at how frustrated he sounded and followed him out of the apartment and down to his car while he continued to talk about soccer.

I must have been daydreaming because before I knew it we were in the car cruising on the highway.

I turned to face Niall who was humming a Justin Bieber song and asked him “So where are we going?”

“You’ll see” he replied.

I sighed but didn’t argue. Instead I let my thoughts drift to Zayn and felt my heart pang at the thought of him.

I miss him I thought miserably. I just want everything to go back to normal.

When Niall turned into an all too familiar street I turned to glare at him.

“Why are we going down this street Niall?!” I demanded.

“I don’t know what you mean” Niall said.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Zayns apartment is on this street” I said.

“Is it?” Niall asked innocently.

I reached over and smacked his arm. Hard.

“Ow! Bianca don’t hit the driver!” Niall yelled.

“Well if the driver has suddenly gone insane I think it’s allowed! What are you up to?!” I yelled back.

“You and Zayn need to talk this out okay. Both of you are miserable and just need to sit down and talk about everything.” Niall said seriously.

I felt my heart start to beat faster and my palms automatically started to get sweaty as my eyes widened in panic. “Niall I can’t” I whispered.

Niall glanced at me as he parked the car. “Bee you can do this. It’s Zayn, not some stranger”

I shook my head before he even finished speaking “I can’t Niall! He hates me and I don’t think I can handle him saying that to me” I said my voice wavering.

Niall looked at me incredulously, “Bianca you’re the insane one! That boy doesn’t hate you; in fact it’s the opposite! He loves you”

“How do you know that Niall? Huh? Please tell me?” I argued.

“Because whenever he talks about you he has the biggest smile on his face! Whenever he hears your name his head whips around so fast as if someone said his own name! When he’s with you he’s constantly glancing at you as if he can’t take his eyes off you! When we’re away on tour he’ll scroll through pictures of you! You don’t notice or know these things but I do and I know for a fact that he loves you!” Niall ranted.

I stared at him open mouthed in shock. “I don’t believe you” I told him in disbelief.

“Well whether you do or don’t all I know is that you need to talk to Zayn” Niall said.

He got out of the car and opened my door as I started to protest but he covered my mouth with his hand.

“Bianca if you don’t walk up to Zayns apartment I will physically carry you up there so don’t test me” He said seriously.

I looked at him to see if he was serious and saw his unwavering gaze and decided I’d rather walk then be carried.

I huffed loudly but got out of the car and slammed the door shut.

Niall winced and looked at me in horror and said “What did my baby ever do to you?!”

I tried to stifle the giggle that threatened to escape my lips but failed.

As we walked up to Zayns apartment side by side I kept wiping my palms on my jeans and biting my lip nervously. When we neared Zayns apartment I felt my knees lock into place and saw Niall jerk back into place as he had linked his arm through mine.

“Niall I’m not ready for this. I don’t even know what to say” I whispered

You will be fine” Niall said stressing out each word as he dragged me to Zayns door and knocked before I could convince him this was a bad idea.

I decided to try one last time “Are you sure this is a good idea?” I whispered quickly.

Niall opened his mouth to respond but the door opened and there was Zayn. I felt myself stiffen as I looked him over. His hair was all over the place, he had dark circles under his eyes and he had a bit of stubble going on. My eyes trailed down to see his bare chest before I quickly snapped my eyes back to his as I felt my ears turn red in embarrassment.

Oh god he’s shirtless I thought to myself.

Suddenly Niall shoved me and I stumbled into Zayn who shot out his arms to catch me and in the process pulled me into his chest.

I turned around to glare at Niall trying to ignore Zayns gaze on my face as I felt my embarrassment double.

“Go talk and don’t even come out till all this is sorted.” Niall said finally and walked off leaving me staring at him open mouthed yet again.

Zayn cleared his throat and I turned to face him and realised how close we were and went to step back but his arms stopped me.

Zayn quickly realised and let me go but not before I saw the hurt look on his face as I stepped away from him. Crap now I feel bad.

“So uh do you wanna come in so uh we can talk?” Zayn asked scratching the back of his head nervously.

I bit my lip hesitantly and rocked back on my heels as I debated on what to do.

“Please?” Zayn pleaded, I glanced at his face and saw he was doing those adorable puppy eyes that I could never say no to. I mentally groaned but nodded silently to Zayn.

Zayn relaxed and stepped back so I could enter. I walked in and went straight to the couch and hugged one of the cushions to my chest as I watched Zayn sit down next to me.

It was silent for a while, neither of us saying anything, just looking at each other.

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and broke the silence.

“You look tired” I said to him.

“I could say the same to you, when’s the last time you had a good night’s sleep?” He asked concern written all over his face.

I shrugged and saw him frown at me before a determined look overtook.

He took a deep breath and said “Bianca I need to get this off my chest and I have a lot to say so please don’t interrupt okay?”

I nodded and clutched the cushion tightly feeling slightly scared about what he was about to say.

He ran a hand through his already messy hair and I was suddenly itching to run my fingers through his hair.

I shook my head to get rid of those thoughts and tried to focus on what he was about to say instead.

“First I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I overreacted about the Nate thing. I was jealous and I was stupid, I just felt like if anyone had a good chance and stealing you away from me it would be him because whenever I’m away from home you guys spend so much time together and I get that he’s your best friend but I thought he liked you but obviously now I know different but anyway I was a jerk about the whole Nate thing, I let jealousy get the best of me and I’m so sorry! All I know now is that I want you back; I want to be able to call you my girlfriend again because I miss you so much and I love you. I love you more than anything in this world, when I’m with you I just feel at home. Like your my home, god I don’t know how to explain this well without sounding like an idiot but you’re always in my thoughts, even at the back of my mind when I’m out performing your always there.”

He grabbed my hand at put it over his heart which I could feel beating incredibly fast under my hand. I tried to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat.

“You can feel how fast it’s beating? It only ever beats like that around you.” Zayn said sincerely staring into my eyes.

I felt my breathing get shallow as I looked back at him. His eyes were pleading with mine and my whole brain was screaming at me to kiss him.

“What about that girl?” I blurted out. My heart aching at the thought of Zayn with her.

“What girl?” Zayn asked looking genuinely confused

“At the club” I replied shortly.

“She was just a family friend who kept pushing herself on me. I swear I was pushing her away and I was about to leave when I saw you and I froze and I didn’t even realise what she was doing” he said honestly.

He was still holding my hand and rubbing soothing circles on my palm with his thumb.

I looked down at my lap and bit my lip as I thought about everything he had said. I felt tears run down my cheeks and tilted my head so my hair fell in front of my face.

“Bianca” Zayn said softly pushing my hair behind my ear and lifting up my chin to meet his gaze.

His grip on my hand tightened when he saw I was crying. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, I promise to protect you, even from myself if it comes to it” He said.

I couldn’t take it anymore. Every part of me was screaming to be near him so I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face into his neck.

I felt Zayn wrap his arms around my waist as he lifted me up on his lap so I was straddling him as he buried his face in my hair.

“I love you” I whispered.

He tightened his grip on me but drew back and I felt a whimper escape my lips. I needed to be close to him now so I tightened my grip on his neck preventing him from pulling back further.

I felt Zayn unwrap his arms from around my waist and reach behind his neck to my hands and pulled them apart so he could pull back to look at my face. He leant in and kissed down my cheek, then he went to the other cheek and let his lips trail down to my jaw and I felt myself shiver involuntarily as I realised he was kissing my tears away. He pulled back and licked his lips before leaning in.

He brought his lips inches away from mine and by now both of us were breathing heavily. “I love you” He whispered his breath washing over me as I trembled with desire.

Then he leant in and his lips finally made contact with mine. I moaned as I wrapped an arm around his neck and with my other hand gripped a fist full of his hair and tugged him even closer to me.

He groaned and bit my lip, crushing my body to his in the process. His hands were everywhere, running down my sides and up my thighs as he trailed his fingers across the skin on my hips igniting my body with heat trails wherever his fingers made contact. I couldn’t get enough of him; it had been too long since I had kissed him. We kissed like this for what felt like hours, furiously running our hands over each other’s bodies while we kissed each other passionately. I knew I was going to faint if I didn’t take a breath soon and I think Zayn felt the same because he reluctantly pulled his lips away from mine and rested his forehead against mine as he looked into my eyes.

“I love you” He whispered.

“I love you too” I whispered back. He smiled widely and leant in pressing his lips firmly against mine. This time the kiss was sweet and just as long.

“I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.” He said softly.

I smiled back at him, feeling pure blissful happiness.

Zayn suddenly stood up and I squeaked and tightened my grip on him as he put his hands under my bum to support me. I playfully glared at him as he smirked at me “Sorry I’ll warn you next time.” He said

“What makes you think there’s going to be a next time?” I asked playfully raising my eyebrows.

Zayn laughed and I felt a small smile appear on my face as I heard my most favourite sound in the world. His laugh.

Zayn noticed the look on my face and kissed my forehead as he carried me to his room and lowered me on the bed.

“I think we both need to catch up on sleep” He said chucking me boxers and a shirt. I nodded eagerly, I loved cuddling with Zayn, some of the best ever sleeps I’ve had have always happened when I’ve fallen asleep in his arms. I quickly stripped and put on his shirt which came about mid-thigh so I chucked his boxers back at him and hopped into bed.

He groaned as he looked at me lustfully “Really Bee?”

I shrugged innocently trying to keep the smirk of my face.

Zayn dropped his tracks and hopped into bed in only boxers, as he got under the covers with me he wrapped both his arms around me and hooked his leg around mine.

He kissed my forehead, then my eyelids and then my nose and my cheeks, saving my lips for last.

I could feel his stubble rub gently across my neck as he sucked on a sensitive spot on my neck giving me a hickey in the process.

He pulled back breathless and said “we really should sleep now”

I made an incoherent sound as I kissed along his jaw and then let my lips trail down his neck to kiss collarbone. I felt his grip on my waist tighten as my lips brushed over a sensitive spot on his collarbone and latched my lips onto the skin there and gave him a hickey. He let out a low groan and when I was satisfied with the hickey I gave him I pulled back and rested my head on his chest and sighed happily.

“Now we can go to sleep” I replied cheekily.

Zayn let out a chuckle and gave me a quick peck as he ran his hand through my hair and started humming a tune I didn’t realise.

Soon I was drifting off to sleep so I snuggled into Zayn and let the darkness take over but not before feeling Zayns lips press against mine once more.

One Direction Fanfic: Around in Circles, Chapter 20

One Direction Fanfic: Around in Circles

Chapter 20:

Bianca’s POV:

It had been a couple of days since the incident at Niall’s apartment and I was currently moping in my room. I could hear hushed voices outside my door and rolled my eyes. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and cringed. I looked like a right mess.

A sigh escaped my lips and I jumped when my room door suddenly burst open. Danielle came storming in and crossed her arms. My mouth hung open in surprise while she looked at me expectantly.

“We’re going out, so go shower and I’m going to help you get ready” She demanded

“But-“ I started to say before she cut me off with a glare.

Danielle could be scary when she wanted to so I obediently headed to the bathroom and showered.

When I came out wrapped in a towel Danielle had set some clothes on the bed which I robotically put on.

It wasn’t till she pushed me into a chair and started doing my hair that I realised I had no idea where we going.

“Danielle where are we going?” I asked quietly.

“We’re going out clubbing with the boys” She said

My breath caught in my throat and my eyes widened with horror. She was going to make me go clubbing while Zayn was there? I would burst into tears the second I saw him!

Confusion flittered across Danielle’s face before she realised what I was thinking. “Zayns not going to be there babe, he’s moping around at home so Liam and Harry are keeping him company while Niall and Louis come clubbing with us”

“He’s moping?” I asked confused.

Danielle sighed and muttered to herself “So damn dense.”

“What?” I said defensively feeling even more confused.

“He’s moping about you silly! He misses you!” She exclaimed.

“Yeah well he’s the one who’s ignoring me.” I muttered to myself.

When Danielle was done curling my hair and doing my makeup she turned me around so I could see myself in the mirror.

A small gasp escaped my lips as I took in my appearance. My dark brown hair was curled to perfection and cascaded down my back; my brown eyes seemed to pop with the eyeliner and mascara Danielle had put on and my lips looked pouty and pink. I almost didn’t recognise myself.

No one will think wow that girl’s been moping in her room crying for three days I thought to myself wryly.

“Do you not like what I did?” Danielle asked nervously and I realised I hadn’t said anything yet.

I spun around and threw my arms around her tightly. “Thank you thank you thank you!” I said grinning.

Danielle laughed and hugged me back tightly.

I was going to have fun tonight; I deserved a night of fun after everything.

I heard my room door open and pulled back to see Nate standing there rather awkwardly.

“Nate” I said surprised.

I saw Danielle look between us, eyebrows furrowed.

“Um, I was wondering if I could talk to you alone for a sec…” He stammered.

Danielle looked at me and raised her eyebrows. I nodded slightly and she sent me a small smile.

“I’ll be waiting downstairs” She said as she walked out of my room, subtly shutting the door behind her.

I looked at Nate expectantly but he didn’t say anything and as the silence dragged on my nerves were escalating.

“Nate I’m really nervous now what’s up?” I finally asked him.

Nate sighed and ran a hand threw his messy hair. He made his way over to my bed and sat down on the edge and patted the spot next to him.

I rolled my eyes but complied.

I bit my lip as I waited for him to say something, anything.

“Okay I don’t know where to start but first I’m sorry about getting in the way of you and Zayn, but more importantly for that night when you were in the accident. I shouldn’t have forced myself on you and I only did it because I was… conflicted about things and I handled it the wrong way and I love you like a sister, I always have but…” He trailed off.

I stared at him speechless but squeezed his hand, encouraging him to go on.

He looked at me nervously and said quietly “You know how my relationship is with my dad, it’s pretty strained and he already hates me so when I realised…. Something about myself I knew it would just anger my dad even more so I guess what I’m trying to tell you is that… I’m… well… you see…” Nate let out a frustrated grunt and pulled at his hair.

“It’s okay you know you can tell me anything” I said softly.

“I’ve just never really said it aloud but here goes nothing” he said muttering.

“I’m gay.” He quickly said.

My eyes widened and my mouth fell open. I snapped my mouth shut when I realised how I must have looked and opened my mouth but I was at a loss of words.

Nate was nervously clicking his fingers and I finally snapped out of it.

“Well I’m glad you told me and about your dad, he doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.”

Nate looked relieved. “Thanks, for not making this a big deal. I haven’t quite come to terms with it.” He said fidgeting slightly. 

I hugged him tightly and said “I’ll be with you every step of the way so it’s fine just take it as it comes”

When I pulled away Nate sent me a heart-warming smile and said “I don’t know what I’d do without you”

I smiled back at him and he said “So you’re looking quite sexy where you off too?”

I chuckled at him before responding, “Danielle’s taking me clubbing with Louis and Niall.”

“Sounds fun…” He said trailing off. He looked conflicted so I nudged him lightly and his eyes snapped up to meet mine.

“What’s on your mind?” I asked him.

“Well do you think I could come? I mean Zayns not going to be there and I could really use a distraction tonight…” He said slowly.

“Of course!” I said grinning at him! I grabbed his head and started dragging him downstairs where Danielle was talking to mum. I let go off his hand when we entered the lounge.

“Danielle is it cool if Nate comes clubbing with us?” I asked. Nate looked embarrassed for some reason, silly boy.

Danielle looked surprise but quickly nodded. “Sure you guys ready to go? Lou and Niall will meet us there” She said.

“Yeah as ready as I’ll ever be” I said.

“Alright let’s go” Danielle said grabbing her purse and keys.

“Bye mom!” I yelled as we left the house and I heard her yell “Be Safe!”

Danielle got into the driver’s seat; I got into the passenger’s side while Nate got into the back.

We drove there with the radio, all of us lost in our own thoughts.

Before I knew it we were outside the club, I shook my head trying to get myself out of the daze I was in.

Nate nudged me and I looked at him quickly, he was frowning down at me.

“What?” I asked innocently

“You were completely out of it then, does that happen a lot?” He asked concern written all over his face.

I forced on a smile and said “No don’t worry I’m fine”

He didn’t look convinced but before he could question me further Danielle returned from talking to the bouncer outside the club.

“Alright let’s go in” She said smiling.

We walked past the line of people and slipped inside. I looked around and it seemed like there were hundreds of sweaty bodies grinding against each other on the dance floor.

The music was so loud I could feel the floor vibrating. I spotted Niall and Louis sitting at the bar with a drink in their hands.

“Lou and Niall are over there!” I said shouting over the music; Danielle looked at where I was pointing and grabbed my hand and started making our way over there with Nate following closely.

When we got up to the boys they looked relieved to see me and quickly hugged the life out of me.

“Guys seriously I’m fine” I huffed.

They pulled back and Louis said “Well we missed seeing your face okay”

I chuckled but stopped short when I saw Louis face drop before he gently pushed me aside and went up to Nate.

“What are you doing here?!” He said standing in front of Nate with his arms crossed.

I quickly squeezed myself between them and put my hands on Louis chest as I pushed him back a few steps.

“Louis leave it. I’ve forgiven him, he explained himself and everything’s okay between us.” I said

Louis opened his mouth to protest but I covered it quickly with my hand.

“Trust me please?” I pleaded.

Louis removed my hand from his mouth and sighed, “I’m not happy about this but if you’re sure…” He trailed off looking at me for confirmation.

I nodded quickly and he stared at me for a few more seconds to make sure I was serious. He finally looked back at Nate and said “If you hurt her in the slightest way I will not hesitate to punch you, no matter what she says, got it?” He asked firmly.

I’m sure I looked mortified by now but Nate didn’t seem surprised by any of it. “I wouldn’t expect anything less” He said.

Louis nodded and then muttered “I need another drink”

I giggled at his expression and looked at Niall who was quiet during the whole thing.

He was frowning slightly and had a concentrated look on his face before he spoke.  “Danielle you should take Bianca to dance.” He said not looking at either of us.

I frowned as Danielle grabbed my hand and started pulling me away but I pulled my arm out of her grip and put my hand on Niall’s shoulder turning him around.

“Niall what was that?” I demanded.

He smiled at me and said “I just want to talk to Nate, go dance with Danni okay?”

I frowned at him and looked at Nate who nodded for me to go dance.

I rolled my eyes; the boys were being ridiculous but fine if they wanted me to go I would go. I nodded at Nate and turned around and walked back to Danielle who was waiting patiently.

When we got to the dance floor I peaked at where Niall and Nate were standing but they were no longer there.

I sighed but let it go and started dancing with Danielle.

It wasn’t long before I was laughing and smiling just like I used to.

“I’m glad you forced me to come out I needed this” I said smiling widely

“No problem!” Danielle said flashing me a grin.

We danced for a while longer before Nate, Niall and Louis joined us. We were dancing for god knows how long but I just lost track of time and it was the best feeling in the world. I just moved my body to the music and focused on that. Temporarily forgetting everything that had happened in the past week.

I was happily dancing and laughing when I saw Danielle freeze. I looked at her concernedly when the same thing happened to Niall and Louis.

“Guys?” I asked.

Their gazes snapped to mine looking panicked and worried. I looked at Nate confused to see if he knew what was going on but he was looking at something behind me, his face drained of colour.

I went to turn around but Nate grabbed my shoulder, preventing me from seeing what they had all seen.

“Let’s go Bianca I’m not feeling well anymore” He said hurriedly while the others nodded and said they were quite tired as well.

I frowned at them they were fine a second ago. Nate’s hand was still on my shoulder but I shrugged it off and turned around and froze.

My eyes widened and my heart pounded as I stared in shock because there was Zayn.

Except he wasn’t alone.

This girl was practically grinding on him and he did nothing to push her away.

I could feel someone tugging on my arm but I couldn’t tear my gaze away from the horrible sight in front of me.

I don’t know what happened but instead of crumpling onto the floor and sobbing like I wanted to I started making my way over to them.

With each step my anger grew and I could feel the others following me.

I was finally in front of Zayn and he looked up and looked surprised to see me but then his face went blank.

My hands were shaking and my breathing had turned shallow.

The girl who was dancing with Zayn stared at me oblivious to the tension and held out her hand to me and said in a chirpy voice “Hi I’m Tara!”

I didn’t make a move to grab her hand and she awkwardly dropped it.

“Zayn what the hell are you doing?” I asked fiercely

“I was dancing in case you didn’t notice and I can see you’re doing the same with Nate” He spat out.

“Nate’s my friend Zayn! I forgave him and I thought you would be able to trust my judgement on this!” I said yelling at him.

“You’re the one moving on so why can’t I?!” he yelled right back.

“I’m not moving on!” I shouted, running a hand through my head, feeling so frustrated at this whole situation.

“I’m not moving on” I said quietly. “I love you” I whispered.

Zayn froze and stared at me with widened eyes. Shit he heard me I thought cringing.

Suddenly Nate spoke the 2 words I never thought he would say.

“I’m gay.”

Zayn snapped his head up to look at Nate while I whirled around to stare at Nate open mouthed.

“Nate you don’t have to-“I started to say but Nate cut me off.

“I’m gay, that night when I kissed her it’s because I was trying to change how I felt, I was drunk and messed up and I love her like a sister and tried to force something that wasn’t there. I’m gay okay? Now you better fucking fix this because I swear if you break her heart again I will fucking hurt you.” Nate said firmly.

I just stared at him open mouthed unable to think of a coherent response.

Nate winked at me and then leant in and kissed me on the forehead, “I’m going to catch a cab home. Call me if he gives you any trouble” He said nodding at Zayn and with that he left.

Danielle was looking amused by the whole situation while Niall and Louis looked surprised.

“Bianca?” Zayn asked.

I looked at him and bit my lip.

“Well I can see your moving on fine so I’m going to go” I said and spun around and started walking away quickly.

Niall caught up with me easily and said “I’m not letting you stay alone tonight”

I nodded silently and heard Zayn shout after me but ignored him. As we were getting into a cab Zayn caught up with us panting slightly.

“Can we please talk?” He begged as it started to rain.

“Tomorrow Zayn not now” I said feeling tired all of a sudden.

“I’m trying to fix this and you-“Zayn started to say but I cut him off angrily.

“Now you’re trying to fix this?! You completely ignored me when I was trying to fix this so sorry if I don’t want to talk right now after seeing another girl grind on you!” I shouted.

Zayn opened his mouth but I cut him off with a deadly glare and said “You’re only trying to fix this because Nate told you he was gay. You need to apologise to him. You should have trusted me, a relationship won’t work without trust and maybe we should go back to being friends because this isn’t working” I said wearily even though my brain was protesting at the thought of just being friends with Zayn, my heart thumped painfully because it knew Zayn could never be just a friend and it scared me.

Zayn stared at me in shock and I could see the pain in his eyes. I looked away unable to look him in the eyes anymore.

“I’m sorry” I whispered and shut the taxi door shut. Niall hopped in and told the driver his address and I watched as we drove away from Zayn who was now standing in the pouring rain. I snorted at the total cliché.

Niall put his arm around me and made soothing noises as I cried into his shoulder.

“It’s going to be okay Bee; he’ll come to his sense and fix this I promise.” Niall said softly

I nodded and shut my eyes tightly in a futile attempt to stop the tears from streaming down my face.

“Niall?” I asked hoarsely.

“Yeah?” He replied.

“I really really love him” I said, feeling a sob building up.

“I know you do, and he loves you so much Bee. Trust me” Niall said softly.

“But he broke it” I said in between sobs.

“Broke what?” Niall asked worriedly.

“My heart” I whispered.

 

 

funny, so many other blogs get guesses asking if they are one direction…no body ever asked us- the one direction blog for directioners….. ;)

Anonymous asked - "I don't get the rip fandom thing:( what's happening?"

cuz whats happening is that there are heaps of new “directioners” now, after the US tour etc etc. and its not that we hate them or anything, we cant hate them if they love the same thing we do = the boys, but its just that they are a lot newer. they dont know the boys the same way we do/ for as long as we have. we have been with them, thru everything (xfactor, 1st single, album, brit) and now all of a sudden, there are/ will be heaps of new directioners who arent really the original ones. so our old fandom wont really be the same, we will have heaps of new people who wont really be the same as the old ‘uns. 

but we still welcome the new directioners! hello to them! and good luck also to them. they are the lucky ones, they get a chance to begin falling in love with the boys all over again.

i hope they enjoy it just as much as we did. 

i hope they fall in love with the boys more and more everyday just as we still do.

i hope they will not be the directionater type- that they will love each boy for what he is, and continue loving everything about them (even if he get a haircut or a new girlfriend- no hating!)

and i hope mostly that we continue to stay the big directioner family that we are :D

so RIP old fandom. and i hope that together (directioners unite) we can make the newer fandom even more special for the new directioners.

love you

xoxoxo 

One Direction, Fanfic: Around in circles Chapter 17:

One Direction, Fanfic: Around in circles

Chapter 17:

Zayns POV:

Bianca’s breathing got deeper and I just watched her for a little while. When I thought about Nate my fists automatically clenched and I felt a wave of fury wash over me. I can’t believe he forced himself on Bianca. He was the reason she was crying. If it wasn’t for him Bianca would have been safe in bed, not driving to mine the same time that asshole drunk driver was. I tried to control my breathing and looked at Bianca again. She was okay I repeated to myself.

I slowly removed my arm from around her and eased out of bed. I kissed her on the cheek and left the room quietly. I looked around to make sure Nate wasn’t still hanging around and I saw Niall and Harry walking down the hall.

When they saw me they came rushing over.

Harry threw his arms around me in a tight hug before stepping back and asking me “Are you okay mate?” Before I could answer Harry shook his head and muttered “Stupid question of course you’re not, I’m sorry” He said apologizing.

I chuckled at Harry while both he and Niall stared at me like I was crazy.

“Bianca remembers everything now, she just fell asleep though” I said with a big smile on my face.

Niall looked relieved then let out a tiny whoop while Harry laughed and said “Thank god!”

I smiled widely at them and felt myself start to relax, but it didn’t last long because Harry asked “How did she remember again?”

I tensed again and clenched my jaw tightly.

“Nate came over and something just triggered all her memories.” I said tightly. It pissed me off that Nate was the one to trigger all of her memories.

“There’s more to it right?” Niall said slowly sensing my fury.

“The night of the accident he forced himself on her. He held her so tight it left bruises on her skin. If that dick hadn’t gone over to her house she wouldn’t have been in the accident! She left to get away from him because she was so upset” I said harshly.

Nialls eyes widened while Harry narrowed his eyes.

“That fucking bastard” Niall muttered when he got over the surprise.

“Did you hit him? Please tell me you did?” Harry asked.

I regretfully shook my head. “Bianca wanted me to stay and I couldn’t say no to her” I said sighing.

“Well I’m going to hit the bastard then” Harry said firmly.

Before I could respond we heard a scream come from Bianca’s room.

I jerked as if someone had shocked me. I pushed Bianca’s door open and ran inside looking around widely to see what was wrong. Harry and Niall followed closely behind.

Bianca sat up in bed, tears streaming down her face. I rushed to her side and cupped her face. Her breathing was erratic and her eyes wide with fear.

“Bee its okay everything’s okay” I cooed.

She gasped and flung her arms around my neck and held me in a tight choke hold. I wrapped my arms around her tightly and kept whispering in her ear “its okay, you’re okay.”

She sobbed into my neck and I felt my heart thud painfully. I wanted to take away the pain but I didn’t know how. She couldn’t even talk.

I rocked her slowly and said “Bee, match you’re breathing with mine.”

I took extra long and slow breaths and Bianca started copying it and soon enough she had calmed down.

“Sorry” Bianca muttered embarrassed.

“Don’t apologize, you have nothing to apologize for” I murmured.

Bianca looked down and wouldn’t meet my eyes so I tilted her chin up so she would have to look at me. I stared into her dark chocolate brown eyes, noticing her usual specks of hazel looked dull.

“I mean it Bee” I said softly.

“Thanks” She whispered, her breath washing over my face.

I leant in and pecked her lips softly. Just as I pulled away we heard a throat clear ad I looked up to see Niall and Harry standing there.

I had completely forgotten they were there for a second.

Bianca looked up at them and a smile overtook her tear stained face.

“Niall! Harry!” She said, holding her hands up demandingly.

They came over and gave her a hug and stepped back.

“What’s wrong Bee?” Niall asked

I watched Bianca’s reaction and saw the colour drain from her face.

“No-nothing.” She stammered.

We all stared at her and she looked at us all nervously.

“What?” She asked defensively

“Do you honestly think we are going to believe that bull crap?” Harry said

She bit her lip and said “It was just a dream don’t worry.”

“Bianca” I said sighing.

“Leave it guys” she said stubbornly

I groaned, she had to be the most stubborn person ever at the worst possible time!

“Fine” I snapped.

I saw a look of hurt flash in Bee’s eyes. She looked down at her hands wringing them nervously.

“I’m sorry Bee” I said sincerely.

She peaked at me from the corner of her eye and softly said “It’s okay.”

We were suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door.

A nurse popped her head in and said “I’m sorry but visiting hours are over.”

I sighed and hugged Bianca close to me. “See you tomorrow, I love you” I said quietly and bent down and kissed her on the forehead.

I started to straighten up again when Bianca wrapped an arm around my neck and pulled me down again and kissed me full on the lips.

“Now you can go” she said cheekily. “Love you too”

I felt the corner of my lips tugging up and went to lean down to kiss her again before Harry pushed me and said “Move!” jokingly

I glared at him while Bianca giggled. Harry gave her a hug and whispered something to her that made her laugh out loud.

Niall hugged her too and kissed the top of her head.

The nurse was waiting patiently at the door and ushered us out when we were done saying good bye.

I waved at her one last time and tried to relax my tense body. I didn’t like leaving her in the hospital but they wouldn’t let me stay with her.

I couldn’t wait till tomorrow. I desperately wanted to keep talking to her about what got her so worked up. I would get it out of her I thought determinedly.

Bianca’s POV:

When Zayn, Niall and Harry left I collapsed onto my pillows and tried to think about anything else other than the dream I had earlier.

My phone buzzed on my table next to my bed and I eagerly picked it up hoping for a distraction.

Well it definitely proved to be a good distraction. Nate was calling.

I hesitated, staring at the screen before telling myself to man up.

I picked it up and didn’t say anything at first, just listened.

“Bianca?” I heard Nate ask.

My throat involuntarily closed up and I couldn’t find it in me to say anything back.

“Bianca I hope you’re listening because I’m so sorry. Please please don’t leave me” He cried.

I felt my skin crawl when I heard Nate cry. I wanted to comfort him but after everything he had done? Zayn would be so upset I thought. But then again it’s not Zayns decision.

“Bianca I’m sorry I came to your house when I was drunk and high. I was upset about my dad and I didn’t know where else to go and I don’t know what came over me but I promise not to do it again.” Nate pleaded.

I listened to him silently but when I heard him cry again something inside me cracked.

“Nate, its okay” I said hoarsely.

I heard Nate suck in a deep breath. “What?” He asked.

“It’s okay” I repeated. “You were upset, you did something stupid. Just don’t let it happen again” I said chuckling weakly.

Nate let out a sigh. “Thanks Bambs. I promise it won’t happen again”

“Good” I said softly. “Is everything okay with your dad?” I asked

“It’s alright” he said gruffly “But more importantly, are you okay?”

“I’m fine Nate, honestly!” I said.

“Can I come visit tomorrow?” He asked hesitantly

“Um I’m being discharged tomorrow so you can come home, but maybe when Zayn isn’t there. He’ll still be angry” I said.

“With good reason” Nate said dejectedly.

“He’ll come around, he doesn’t know what you’re going through at home” I replied

“And he’s not going to find out right?” Nate said sternly

“I know I know I won’t tell him” I said sighing.

“Good” replied Nate sounding relieved.

I yawned and Nate chuckled. “I better let you get some sleep, don’t need anyone hating me more” he said.

I laughed quietly and said “No one hates you Nate”

Silence.

“Okay they strongly dislike you” I muttered.

Nate laughed and said “It fine Bambs, goodnight, sweet dreams!”

“Night Nate!” I sang. I disconnected the call and put my phone back on the table.

I looked the time, it was 10pm. I wasn’t sleepy and figured I could just walk around the hospital, try and tire myself out.

So I swung my legs over the bed and jumped out. I let out a little hiss as I felt some pain in my ribs and mentally scolded myself for jumping.  I opened the door and poked my head outside.

No one was around so I stepped out, my feet touching the chilly floor.

I started walking down the hall and was about to turn around the corner when I bumped into someone. I felt myself fall backwards and shut my eyes tightly waiting for the impact that never came because whoever they were wrapped their arms around me and pulled me flush against them.

My eyes snapped open and met a pair of dazzling green eyes.

“Bianca?” He whispered in shock.

My mouth dropped open in surprise.

“Lee?” I whispered.

Anyone reading my fanfic “Around in circles” I will be posting tomorrow night. That’s my aim so i shall stay up late to finish writting tonight so it ready for tomorrow! Sorry its been a few days since i posted, i’m back at school so things are hectic! Thanks for reading if you are! :) So chapter 15 will be up tomorrow!x

One Direction, Fanfic: Around in circles Chapter 14:

One Direction, Fanfic: Around in circles

Chapter 14:

Zayns POV:

After Bianca dropped me home I went into the kitchen to grab some something to eat. Damn Nialls eating habits were catching on I thought amusedly.

While I was eating I was thinking about what Bianca told me about Nate. I didn’t like him one bit, I needed to talk to him. I ran my hands through my hair, why did he have to complicate this?

I’m just going to tell Bianca straight up that she shouldn’t hang with him anymore. It’s not going to work out being his friend when he wants her as more.

I sighed and shook my head; I’m too tired to think properly. I went to my room and changed into sweats and a t-shirt and dropped onto my bed.

 

My phone started ringing ‘With You’ by Chris Brown, that’s Bianca’s ringtone I thought half asleep. I reached around blindly with my hand till I found it. I pressed the answer button and put it to my ear without looking at it because I knew it would be too bright for my eyes.

“Hello?” I said groggily

“Zayn I’m so sorry” Bianca sobbed

I quickly sat up in bed now wide awake and tried to stop myself from panicking.

“Bianca? Bianca what’s wrong?! Where are you?” I asked frantically, trying to keep myself from shouting.

“I’m on my way to yours” she said crying.

My heart clenched at the sound of her crying and I felt so useless at that moment.

“Whatever happened I promise to do my best to fix it” I said soothingly, hoping it would help her relax a little bit.

I was already in the living room waiting for her when I faintly heard someone’s horn blaring through the phone.

The next sound I heard nearly made me drop to the floor. Bianca screamed and I froze, my breath caught in my throat and I heard a loud smash and Bianca screamed again before the phone got disconnected.

My brain wasn’t processing anything that just happened. I just stood there staring at my phone not really understanding what was going on.

Suddenly it was like someone was had grabbed a hold of my heart and was squeezing it painfully.

I needed Bianca, what the fuck happened? She has to be okay, she just has too.

I grabbed my keys and ran out of the apartment; I got into my car and drove to Bianca’s house. I had no idea where about she was but she was on the way to mine and she always went the same way. I defiantly wasn’t prepared for what I saw when I came to an intersection not far from her house.

I quickly stopped the car and jumped out running towards Bianca’s car or at least what was left of it.

The car had flipped over and there was shattered glass everywhere and blood. A lot of blood.

“BIANCA!” I screamed pushing my way through people only to be stopped by a police officer.

“LET ME THROUGH!” I screamed

“The victims have already been taken to the hospital, you can’t go through here.”

I ran away without another word and got into my car and drove to the hospital quickly; when I got there I ran inside and went to the front desk.

“There was a girl that just came through? She was in a car accident, her name is Bianca D’Souza. Where is she?!” I asked frantically.

The nurse looked at me sympathetically and said “She’s just gone into surgery, we’re contacting her parents now so can I ask who you are?”

“Her boyfriend” I whispered.

The nurse frowned and asked “How did you know she was in an accident?”

“She was on the phone with me” I said my voice breaking.

The nurse looked at me with pity in her eyes and I turned away avoiding her look.

“Why don’t you go have a seat over there and I’ll let you know how she is the second I hear anything okay?”

I nodded silently and numbly made my way over to the chair.

I sat there and stared at my hands, drops of water kept falling onto my hands from eyes.

Please let her be okay I prayed. Please please please let her be okay.

I shakily got my phone out of the pocket and called Liam.

It rang 4 times before he picked up “Hello?” He said yawning.

“Liam its Zayn, Bianca’s in the hospital” I said my voice cracking.

“What happened?” he asked sounding shocked.

“She was in a car crash, I was on the phone with her” I cried

It was quiet for a moment before Liam muttered “Fucking hell, I’m leaving now, don’t worry I’ll call the others just hold on mate I’ll see you soon.” He said

“Alright” I muttered. I ended the call and put my phone away and hung my head in my hands.

I couldn’t stop the tears from leaking out; I can’t lose her I thought desperately. I just got her I can’t lose her.

I was barely holding it together when I heard shouting. I looked up and saw Bianca’s parents at the front desk, Bianca’s mum had tears running down her face and so did her dad, they both looked panicked and helpless.

“Christine?” I said hoarsely

Her head snapped to me and whispered “Zayn?”

She walked over to me and wrapped me in a motherly hug and I just broke down and cried into her shoulder holding on tight.

“Zayn were you in the car?” she asked me

I shook my head and said “I was on the phone with her, she had me on speaker phone and she was driving over to mine because she was upset for some reason when it happened and- and I heard her scream and I couldn’t do anything Christine. I’m so sorry” I sobbed”

“Shhhh its okay it’s going to be okay. She’ll be fine” She said trying to convince me as well as herself.

I pulled away and asked her “Did you get any new information?”

“Just that she was still in surgery” she said her eyes watering.

“Zayn?” I heard Liam say, I turned around and Liam and Danielle were there, their faces dropped when they saw me and Danielle started crying while Liam asked “How bad?”

“I don’t know, she’s still in surgery.” I replied quietly

“I think you should sit down Zayn it looks like you’re going to collapse at any second” Liam said putting a hand on my shoulder and guiding me to a chair.

I let him push me down into a seat and he sat next to me and Danielle sat on his other side. She was holding his hand tightly and I looked away.

Liam’s phone rang and he answered it quickly. He spoke quietly but I was too distracted to listen. I could hear Bianca’s mum crying and I was just trying to block out everything but nothing would stop the tears and I gave up trying.

I was just trying to keep myself from breaking down completely.

Liam hung up and turned to me and said “The rest of the guys are nearly here, I’m going to meet them outside the building okay?”

I numbly nodded, barely in control of my body.

Liam whispered some things to Danielle and kissed her on the cheek before walking out.

I saw Danielle move into Liam’s seat from the corner of my eye and she grabbed my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“She’ll be fine Zayn.” She said swallowing loudly. “She has to be” she whispered.

“Danielle I can’t lose her, I love her and I didn’t get a chance to tell her, I love her dammit” I said sobbing again.

Danielle wrapped her arms around me and started crying again too.

“Do you have any idea how badly she was hurt?” she whispered.

I shook my head “No but I heard her scream twice” I said hoarsely, clenching my hands into fists.

“I felt so useless, I hated it” I said harshly.

Danielle took a deep breath and whispered “Zayn don’t beat yourself up about it”

I shook my head and whispered hoarsely “I can’t stop hearing her scream, then the loud smash, it just keeps echoing in my head and I have no idea how badly she was hurt”

Danielle clenched my hand tighter and said “Zayn stop, just don’t think about it okay.” She let go of my hand to wipe away her tears when Bianca’s mum walked towards us.

I stood up quickly “What’s going on? Is she okay?” I asked hurriedly

Bianca’s mum shook her head and I sucked in my breath as my heart dropped, she must have seen the sudden change in my face and said quickly “I meant no news yet”

I let out a sigh of relief. I thought she meant Bianca wasn’t okay. I took deep breaths trying to calm down. She has to be okay I thought my eyes tearing up.

“Zayn, Danielle I have some news about how the car crash happened” Christine said quietly

I looked at her expectantly and said “Okay…”

She took a deep breath and said “The truck driver was drunk and ran through a red light, Bianca tried to get out of the way but it was too late”

I clenched my fists tightly together, “Fuck! Fucking asshole” I said harshly

I was so angry I walked away from Danielle and Christine and went outside and I ran into Liam, Louis, Niall and Harry.

They all looked stressed and worried and when they saw me the look on their faces got worse.

“Liam filled us in on what he knew” Harry said quietly.

I nodded, “She’s in surgery at the moment. A drunken truck driver ran a red light and hit her” I said tightly. I wanted so badly to punch something right now.

“How long as she been in surgery for?” Niall asked, his voice cracking at the end.

“Nearly an hour” I said emotionlessly

Louis ran his hand through his hair and looked like he was trying not to cry. They all looked like that.

“Liam said you were on the phone with her?” Louis asked.

I nodded and said “She was upset about something and she was on her way to mine when I heard her scream and then I heard a loud crash and then she screamed again before the phone disconnected.” Saying that I started to cry again, I rubbed my eyes fiercely and muttered “Fuck this can’t be happening.”

Niall gave me hug and soon the others all joined so we had a massive group hug going on. I chuckled quietly but it sounded strained.

We broke apart and I felt less angry about the truck driver. I just needed to see Bianca.

We walked back inside to see a doctor talking to Christine and Ricky and I had to refrain myself from running over there but I walked quickly with the boys falling close behind.

Just before we could reach them the doctor walked away and my heart was clenching uncomfortably at all the possibilities.

I saw Danielle come out of the bathroom and quickly walked over and joined us. When I reached Christine and Ricky I was a nervous wreck.

“What did the doctor say?” I asked tightly.

“She’s going to be okay” Christine said with a relieved look on her face.

Ricky was still a bit somber and said “She was bleeding internally but they fixed her and she hit her head and had a concussion but she should be waking up by the end of tomorrow. She might have a bit of memory loss at the beginning but she’ll regain it slowly.”

I nodded and felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders. She would be okay. She was okay. I still had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach but I shoved it away.

Christine gave everyone individual hugs and said “It’s great seeing you all except next time the circumstances should be different. Like at a party” she said lightly.

Ricky chuckled relaxing a bit, when she gave me a hug at last she said to us all “Go home get a good night sleep.”

I opened my mouth to protest but she beat me to it. “Bianca will not be waking up till tomorrow night; you all need a good night’s sleep. No excuses” she said looking at me.

I frowned, there was no way I would be able to sleep, and I told Christine that “I need to see her” I pleaded.

Christine gave a sigh before nodding slightly “You can see her but after I want you to go home get some sleep and eat something before you come back here tomorrow understand?” She said sternly

I nodded quickly. I just needed to see her to make sure she was actually okay.

“I’m assuming the rest of you would like to see her before you leave?” Christine asked.

 I saw them all nod quickly too.

“Okay but they still have to move her into a room so it’ll be a little bit of a wait” she said frowning at us.

“It’s fine” I said quickly. The others nodded in confirmation.

We went and sat down in the stiff hospital chairs and I kept wringing my hands together trying to calm down. After hearing how badly she was hurt I’m scared to see her now. My heart already felt like it was being squeezed uncomfortably and I knew it would only get worse once seeing how badly she was hurt.

Niall suddenly said “Zayn if you keep running your hands through your hair you’re going to pull out all your hair soon”

“I can’t help it” I replied quietly.

He gave my arm a quick squeeze and said “We’ll be with you every step of the way; she’s going to be fine”

I nodded slightly.

Bianca’s parents had gone to see what room she had gone into and they would come and get us when she was all moved in.

I kept tapping my foot impatiently and every time someone walked through the door my head snapped up to see if it was Christine or Ricky.

At last when I thought I was going to go crazy from the waiting, Christine came out and we all quickly stood up and made our way over to her.

“Can we see now?” I asked frantically, I couldn’t relax till I had seen her, my whole body was tense.

Christine hesitated, “Are you sure you want to see her? She got quite banged up” She said wincing.

“Please” I begged.

“Christine please we’re all going crazy right now please can we see her?” Niall begged

She looked at us all and said “Alright let’s go”

She turned around and started walking down the hallway with us following close behind.

She paused outside what I was assuming to be Bianca’s door and took a deep breath as if to steady herself.

She opened the door and I was the first one to enter and I sucked in a huge breath.

I froze mid-step before rushing to the side of her bed. I couldn’t take my eyes of her. She had a bandage on her head and she looked so pale, she wore a hospital gown and she looked so fragile I felt my heart plummet to the ground.

I heard Danielle gasp before she started crying.

I heard a weird wheezing sort of sound, like someone was struggling to breath.

Someone put a hand on my shoulder and tried to turn me around but I couldn’t look away.

“Zayn?” Harry asked

I couldn’t respond, I couldn’t breathe and then I realized I was the one making the weird wheezing sound. Christine appeared in front of me and looked at me with a worried gaze; she put her hands on either side of my face and wiped away tears that were running down my face. I hadn’t realized I had started crying again.

“Zayn I know she looks fragile right now but she’s going to be okay.” Christine said soothingly.

I sucked in a huge breath and tried to take even breathes.

Bianca’s mum took my hand and laid it on top of Bianca’s.

Bee’s hand was warm and soft like always. I could feel my heart slowing down.

It was still too much to handle so I pulled my hand away and ran. I had to get out of the room. Just outside her room I leant against the wall and slide to the floor crying.

Niall came out and sat next to me while I cried. I thought I would have run out of tears by now but no such luck.

When I felt like I didn’t need to cry anymore I took a side long glance at Niall who was also crying and he was biting on his fist to keep himself of sobbing.

I instantly felt guilty for not comforting him. I squeezed his arm and he met my gaze before a sob broke free from his lips.

I threw my arm around him and let me cry. Nialls like my younger brother; I hated seeing him like this.

After a few minutes Niall pulled away and sniffed and said “Sorry about that”

“You have nothing to apologize for” I said simply.

Christine then came out of the door and sent a small smile our way but it looked forced. It was really hard on everyone seeing Bianca like this.

Bianca was always so loud, funny, dirty minded and bubbly. Right now it was like she was in a coma.

I swallowed loudly and stood up the same time Niall did.

“You guys need to go home and sleep okay? The others are saying bye to Bianca so go on” Christine said.

Niall and I walked into the room with Christine following closely behind.

Danielle was just kissing Bianca’s forehead before whispering “See You tomorrow.”

The boys all lightly kissed her forehead before promising to be back tomorrow.

It was my turn at last and I walked to the side of her bed with shaky legs and held her hand loosely before leaning down and pressing my lips to her forehead gently.

“I love you Bee, see you tomorrow” I whispered.

I let go off her hand and walked away slowly.

Christine hugged us all goodbye in the hallway and we all walked out to the front of the hospital.

Danielle and Liam were catching a cab together and staying at Liam’s place, Harry and Lou were going back to their apartment and Niall was coming over to mine.

Danielle threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly before whispering “Be strong. I’ll see you tomorrow”

“You too” I whispered back.

The guys all gave me hugs too and told me to try get some sleep before coming back to the hospital. We all left around the same time.

Niall and I were silent in the cab which was unlike us but we both weren’t in the mood to talk anyway.

My brain barely registered what was going on but soon we were at my apartment.

Niall and I were sharing my double bed and we were both already in pajamas’ so we got into bed.

It was quite for a few moments before I thought I heard Niall trying to cry quietly.

“Niall it’s going to be okay” I said quietly.

“I hope so” He said tiredly his voice scratchy from all the crying.

I felt the tears start to fall down my face silently as I said “Me too”

That night I cried myself to sleep for the first time in years.

 

 

 

 

 

Anonymous asked - "What is your fav 1D performance on TXF? If you could only save one 1D item what would it be?What is your favourite thing about each of the boys?"

atm, my fav performances are torn, kids in america, total eclipse of the heart and something about the way you look tonight- esp that one. :)

i would only ever save them. they mean a lot to me. but if you really wanna kno an item- their album :)

fav things bout each boy: EVERYTHING. 

really. EVERY.SINGLE.THING.

i cant pick one. i just cant :(

lemme try.

niall: smile. sound of his laughter. eyes. hair. his accent.

zayn: smile. body. eyes. silentness, craziness.

louis: craziness. understandingness. knowing smile. outspokenness.

liam: how he expresses his nice/caringness. body. smile. cuteness.

harry: hair. smile. silentness. laughter. tongue-tiedness. 

overall the thing i love bout them is their voice. their music. their relationship with each other. the way they express themselves. and them. i love them fully and entirely.

sozzy for late reply honeybee. you’re pro question skills at night threw me off guard and made me think real hard..hahah. LOVE. the questions. thou mayb next time put anon off. i wanna kno who you are :)

xoxoxo

ps. sorry for the essay ^^ hahaha

pps. hope my anwswer lived up to your expectations :D

DIRECTIONERS: reblog and put your city and country under, and lets see how diverse this fandom really is:

1. the closet, narnia
2. AUCKAND, NEW ZEALAND

so guise, if i was to do a cover of a 1d song, but from a girls POV, and postd it, which one of you lovelies would listen to it??

ps. sorry if you hate my voice… :(