cuz whats happening is that there are heaps of new “directioners” now, after the US tour etc etc. and its not that we hate them or anything, we cant hate them if they love the same thing we do = the boys, but its just that they are a lot newer. they dont know the boys the same way we do/ for as long as we have. we have been with them, thru everything (xfactor, 1st single, album, brit) and now all of a sudden, there are/ will be heaps of new directioners who arent really the original ones. so our old fandom wont really be the same, we will have heaps of new people who wont really be the same as the old ‘uns.
but we still welcome the new directioners! hello to them! and good luck also to them. they are the lucky ones, they get a chance to begin falling in love with the boys all over again.
i hope they enjoy it just as much as we did.
i hope they fall in love with the boys more and more everyday just as we still do.
i hope they will not be the directionater type- that they will love each boy for what he is, and continue loving everything about them (even if he get a haircut or a new girlfriend- no hating!)
and i hope mostly that we continue to stay the big directioner family that we are :D
so RIP old fandom. and i hope that together (directioners unite) we can make the newer fandom even more special for the new directioners.
Children: Mum why do you have to keep listening to this old school music? It not that great...
Me: Don't let daddy hear you say that. And for the record it's still amazayn like your dad
One Direction, Fanfic: Around in circles
My phone rang and I sat up quickly and answered it, “Hello?” I said croakily
I heard Christine say shakily “Zayn you need to come to the hospital now.”
I panicked and quickly said “I’m on my way” and hung up in a rush.
Niall had woken up when my phone rang and stared at me with wide eyes.
“We have to go, we need to get to the hospital” I said in a rush freaking out completely.
Niall jumped out of bed and put a hand on my shoulder “Zayn calm down! We’ll leave now but I’ll drive you can’t drive like this” He said sternly.
“Fine.” I agreed quickly, I just had a bad feeling and knew we had to get to the hospital.
Everything after that was real hazy but as soon as I set foot inside the hospital everything got real again. I sighed and walked quickly with Niall by my side.
We found everyone in the waiting room and my heart dropped as my hands automatically clenched into fists. I rushed over to Bianca’s parents who looked stressed out and Louis, Harry and Liam were all avoiding my gaze.
“What’s wrong? Where is she?” I yelled frantically.
“She collapsed this morning and she had to go back into surgery” Christine whispered, tears falling down her face quickly. Ricky put his arm around her and began soothing her as she sobbed into his shoulder.
I looked away and tried to take deep breaths except I couldn’t. My mouth went dry and my breath caught in my throat.
Niall looked scared and the others looked nervous. I paced up and down in front of them, waiting for Bianca to come out of surgery.
Louis looked at me wearily and Harry was rubbing his eyes furiously trying not to cry. Liam kept tapping his foot impatiently and looked at all of us probably wondering what he could do to calm us down.
Every time a doctor walked through those doors my whole body would freeze and my breath would catch in my throat.
When the doctor didn’t make their way over here to where Christine and Ricky were I would resume pacing nervously.
I heard the doors open and snapped my head up in time to see the doctor making his way over, his face was blank from any emotion.
“Fuck” I whispered nervously and stood rigid waiting for him to say she was okay so I could relax a little.
My heart was beating furiously and my palms were all sweaty. All the boys stood up along with Bianca’s parents.
“Mr and Mrs D’Souza would you like to go to my office to talk?” the doctor asked them.
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I could not wait any longer just tell us dammit! I silently screamed.
Christine must have seen my face and quickly said “Here’s fine, is she okay now?”
The doctor hesitated and looked at all of us.
“I’m so sorry she didn’t make it, we tried everything. I’m so very truly sorry.” He said quietly.
It was quiet for a full two seconds while everyone just stood there staring at him not believing a word he said.
I jumped when I heard Christine sobbing loudly. My heart raced 10 times faster than I thought was possible. I looked and saw Christine on the floor sobbing and Ricky stood there frozen but tears were falling down his face. Niall was whispering “No no no no no no” over and over again to himself and Liam stood there looking shocked.
Harry started crying and Louis looked like he was about to pull his hair out. Everyone was crying and I just stood there. My body felt numb and then it was like someone punched me in the stomach. I gasped as the pain ran through me and it felt like someone was choking me. They were cutting of my air supply.
I couldn’t breathe.
This was real.
She can’t be. She’s supposed to be okay.
My knees wobbled and I collapsed on the floor and started sobbing. My fingernails were digging into my palm drawing blood from how tightly my fists were clenched. Huge sobs wrecked my body and I was shaking all over, the tears were blinding my vision.
“NO!” I screamed as every part of me hurt in a way it never had before.
I tried sucking in a huge breath but it was like my lungs had shriveled up.
I couldn’t breathe and the sobs escaping my lips were getting louder and louder.
Someone was yelling my name and started shaking me.
I gasped and opened my eyes quickly. Niall was shaking me by the shoulders and looked relieved when he saw my open eyes.
I jumped out of bed “Bianca! Where’s Bianca?!” I yelled
“She’s still in the hospital, she’s fine it was just a dream Zayn we can go see her now she’s fine” he said soothingly.
I paused and drew in a few ragged breaths; I was covered in sweat from the dream. It had felt too real for my liking and I needed to see Bianca. Nothing could stop me I had to see after that horrible dream I thought shuddering.
“How- how did you know what I was dreaming about?” I asked him shakily, trying to catch my breath.
“You were crying in your sleep when I woke up and then you started screaming and…” Niall trailed off.
“And?” I asked Niall
“You stopped breathing for awhile and scared the shit out of me so that’s when I started shaking you awake and started yelling your name” he whispered.
“Sorry” I told him sincerely. I didn’t mean to give him such a scare.
“What’s the time?” I asked him
“Just a little after 8, visiting hours start at 8:30 and Christine texted me saying to make sure we have showers and eat before we come.” Niall said.
I nodded and grabbed some clean clothes, “I’ll go for a shower first you can go next” I told Niall.
He nodded and looked at me hesitantly. I raised my eyebrow at him questioningly.
“Do you wanna talk about the dream?” he asked hesitantly.
I shook my head slowly and said “There’s not much to talking about honestly. It was just my worst nightmare.”
“I can imagine” Niall murmured. He looked up at me and said softly “She’ll be okay. It’s Bianca she has to be.”
I cracked a small smile for Nialls sake and tried to sound confident “She will be fine. Like you said it’s Bianca”
Niall nodded but still looked upset.
“Go eat something while I have a shower okay?” I said
“Alright” Niall said tiredly
I walked into my bathroom and had a quick shower; it felt good, like it was washing away all the reminders of the dream.
I changed into some new clothes quickly and felt fresh and walked into the kitchen to see Niall eating a lot of food which was something he did when he was really upset.
“Niall you have a shower then we’ll go to the hospital and you can see for yourself that Bianca’s going to be fine”
“Okay I’ll be quick and I’ll just borrow some of your clothes?” He asked.
“Yeah help yourself to anything” I said nodding towards my room.
“Thanks man, I won’t be long we can go see Bianca soon” he replied.
I nodded and he left to have a shower. I wasn’t hungry but I just forced myself to at least eat a slice of toast and drank some coffee as well.
It wasn’t long before Niall was out of the shower and we were making our way to my car.
Niall held out his hand to me and said “Keys?”
I sighed but handed them over; as long as we got to the hospital I didn’t really care.
Niall drove quickly and soon we were outside the hospital and I froze.
Niall bumped into me and looked at me with concern.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
I bit my lip and drew in a shaky breath and said “It feels like my dream all over again and I’m scared to enter because I don’t want my dream to come true. I can’t live without her Niall. I just can’t.”
“Well that’s not going to happen. She’s going to be fine. We’re in this together.” he said.
I took a deep breath and said “Your right she’s going to be fine. She’s going to wake up.”
I walked in slowly feeling a bit hesitant but Niall was at my side the whole time.
When we got to the waiting room Harry and Louis were there with Bianca’s parents but Liam and Danielle were nowhere in sight.
Christine stood up when she saw us and when I was in front of her she gave me a big hug and said happily “She’s going to wake up soon”
“Everything’s okay? She’s fine? Nothing happened during the night?” I asked frantically.
“Nothing happened she’s going to be okay Zayn” she said smiling warmly at me.
I let out a huge sigh of relief and felt my eyes pricking with tears because I couldn’t believe it. She was going to be okay. It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
I gave Christine another hug and went and sat down next to Harry who turned to me with a smile on his face.
“I can’t wait till she wakes up; she’s going to get a yelling from me for scaring me like that!” Harry exclaimed.
“You’ll have to beat me to it” Niall said seriously.
“Oh me three I’m gonna have a go at her as well” Louis added.
I laughed softly and could almost feel things going back to normal. Almost.
“Where are Liam and Danielle?” I asked Louis
“Cafeteria, they went to grab something to eat they should be back soon.” Louis replied
I nodded silently and turned to look at Ricky “When do we get to see her?” I asked
“Soon, we are going to check with the doctors now.” He replied.
He disappeared with Christine trying to find a doctor to talk too when Liam and Danielle walked in.
“Zayn!” Danielle exclaimed giving me a hug.
I hugged her back and said “Hey Danni”
“Where did Christine and Ricky go?” Liam asked
“They went to find a doctor to see if we could wait in Bianca’s room till she wakes up.”
Liam nodded and then Christine walked out and called us over.
We all walked over quickly and followed her to Bianca’s room.
When I walked in my eyes straight away landed on Bianca and my heart dropped a little again.
She looked better than yesterday but I still hated seeing her like this. I just wish she had never gotten hurt. I hated that truck driver and felt anger wash over me.
I walked to her bed slowly and held her hand. It was soft and warm like yesterday. I felt myself calm down by just being near her.
I leant in and kissed her on the forehead.
I went to go stand back a little when her hand squeezed mine slightly. I let out a quiet yelp from surprise.
Christine and the others looked at me worriedly.
“She squeezed my hand!” I exclaimed.
A look of relief washed across everyone’s face and Christine’s soon changed to excitement.
“She’s going to wake up soon! Ricky go get a doctor.”
Ricky high tailed out of the room faster than lightening and soon the doctor was in the room. He was checking Bianca’s charts when I noticed Bianca’s hand twitch.
I wasn’t the only one that noticed because the doctor paused and looked up at Bianca’s face.
I was already watching her face intently for any movement.
While we were waiting for her to fully wake up the doctor started talking to us.
“So are you all friends of Bianca’s?” He asked.
“Yup!” Niall proudly said but then looked at me and said “Well he’s her boyfriend but we’re all friends”
The doctor chuckled and then stopped short when Bianca’s eyes started fluttering open. I stepped forward anxiously waiting with the others.
Bee looked around the room in a daze and when her eyes met mine I saw them flash with emotion but it was gone before I could detect what it was.
Christine was standing at Bianca’s side and squeezed her hand. Bianca’s head snapped up to look at Christine before her eyes started watering.
“Mum” she said croakily reaching her hands out like a little child.
Christine swept her into an instant hug and made soothing sounds while Bianca cried and I shifted uncomfortably wanting to comfort her and stop her crying.
When Bee and Christine broke apart the doctor cleared his throat grabbing their attention as well as ours.
“Sorry I just need to check your vitals and ask you some questions to see how your memory is.” The doctor said.
Bianca nodded and the doctor checked her vitals while asking her questions.
“What’s your full name?” He asked.
“Bianca Danielle D’Souza” Bee said
“How old are you?” He asked
“17” she replied.
“Date of birth?” He questioned
“27th of June 1995” she said
“Any idea what day it is today?” he asked
She shook her head slowly.
The doctor frowned and asked her “What’s the last thing you remember?”
Her forehead crinkled as she concentrated and hesitated before answering Harry and Louis’ party.
I froze and stared at her not sure I heard right.
“What did you say?” I asked my voice cracking.
Bee looked at me worriedly while the others looked between is making the same connection I did.
We only started dating a few days after the party. Does that mean she doesn’t remember that I’m her boyfriend?
Christine’s eyes flashed to my face and saw the look of panic before turning to Bianca and saying “Do you have a boyfriend?”
Bianca frowned looking confused and I held my breath as I waited for her to answer and felt someone squeeze my arm reassuringly.
“I don’t have a boyfriend” she said slowly looking at her mum like she was crazy.
Those 5 words made my heart shatter and I ran out of the room unable to breathe.
This can’t be happening I thought shutting my eyes tightly wishing it was all a dream.