One Direction Fanfic: Around in Circles

One Direction Fanfic: Around in Circles

Chapter 21:

Bianca’s POV:

I woke up with a pounding headache and groaned into my pillow. I felt like complete and utter crap and last night’s events did nothing to make me feel better. I groaned again and buried myself under the soft fluffy covers.

“If you groan any louder I’m going to get complaints from the neighbours” A voice chuckled from above me.

I nearly jumped out of my skin and rolled over quickly to see Niall standing beside the bed with a tray in his hands. I growled lowly at him as I put a hand over my racing heart.

“Are you trying to give me a heartache?!” I shrieked

Niall snorted and said “I’m sorry you’re so unobservant that you didn’t hear my LOUD footsteps.”

“Hey I’m plenty observant thank you very much!” I stated.

Niall gave me a ‘get real’ look which I chose to ignore.

I pulled myself up and rested my back against the headboard and Niall handed me the tray he was handing.

“Niall…” I trailed of softly when I saw what he had done.

There in front of me on the tray was a plate full of Chocolate chip pancakes and you could see the chocolate chips sort of formed a smiley face, with strawberries and chocolate sauce on top.

I felt my eyes tear up and Niall looked at me panicky, “Shit sorry Bianca I didn’t mean to make you cry” He said trying to take the tray away from me but I held onto it tightly and shook my head.

My throat had tightened and I was swallowing loudly trying to speak but my voice came out as a whisper as I said “Thank you”

Niall relaxed and I saw him grin at me, “You like it?” He asked.

I shook my head and his face fell before I could whisper “I love it”

Niall grinned hugely and sat down next to me on the bed while I ate quickly, I was starving since I hadn’t eaten properly in days. I saw Niall frowning at me from the corner of my eye but I didn’t look up as I was busy stuffing my face. Normally I wouldn’t let myself eat like that but since I hadn’t eaten properly in days I allowed myself this small treat.

“Bianca you look like you haven’t eaten in days” Niall said jokingly but I could hear the underlining tone in his words.

I shrugged innocently while Niall glared at me.

“Seriously Bianca?” Niall demanded to know.

I ignored him and rubbed my now full tummy. “That was great Niall!” I said enthusiastically.

“I’m glad you like it but don’t think I’m going to forget about this” He said referring to me not eating for days.

I rolled my eyes but nodded at him flashing him a smile.

He smiled back sincerely and jumped out of bed and said “Let’s go!”

“Where?” I asked looking at him confused.

“Just out” He said vaguely.

This time I frowned at him suspiciously but he raised his hands in surrender, “I haven’t seen you in ages and there’s not much to do here” He said

I felt guilty when he said that and I know he could see it on my face.

“Bianca I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty” he said quickly.

I waved him off and got out of bed and stretched my stiff limbs.

“I’ll just hop in the shower then we’ll leave?” I asked him

He quickly nodded and said excitedly “I’m going to be in the lounge then; I want to see how Manchester did last night!”

I chuckled at his excitement and said “Okay off you go” like I was dismissing a little kid.

He practically ran to the room and not a second later I heard the TV being turned on. I chuckled at how quick he was while I grabbed some spare clothes I had left over here.

I had a long hot shower and changed into some light blue jeans and a black singlet. I looked out the window in Niall’s room and saw the weather was taking a turn for the worse so I went to his closet and looked for a jumper to borrow.

I found a comfy looking grey hoodie which I put on and looked in the mirror. The hoodie was a bit a big for me but it looked fine and it smelt so good, so I put my chucks on and brushed my hair and left it out to dry naturally.

When I stepped into the lounge Niall was cursing under his breath at the TV and I let out a small laugh seeing his expression, he always got so worked up about sports it was adorable! Niall glared at me playfully while I tried not to burst into a fit of giggles.

“So I take it they’re not doing too well?” I asked innocently

Niall groaned and switched the TV off and said “Their playing like utter rubbish at the moment!”

I chuckled at how frustrated he sounded and followed him out of the apartment and down to his car while he continued to talk about soccer.

I must have been daydreaming because before I knew it we were in the car cruising on the highway.

I turned to face Niall who was humming a Justin Bieber song and asked him “So where are we going?”

“You’ll see” he replied.

I sighed but didn’t argue. Instead I let my thoughts drift to Zayn and felt my heart pang at the thought of him.

I miss him I thought miserably. I just want everything to go back to normal.

When Niall turned into an all too familiar street I turned to glare at him.

“Why are we going down this street Niall?!” I demanded.

“I don’t know what you mean” Niall said.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Zayns apartment is on this street” I said.

“Is it?” Niall asked innocently.

I reached over and smacked his arm. Hard.

“Ow! Bianca don’t hit the driver!” Niall yelled.

“Well if the driver has suddenly gone insane I think it’s allowed! What are you up to?!” I yelled back.

“You and Zayn need to talk this out okay. Both of you are miserable and just need to sit down and talk about everything.” Niall said seriously.

I felt my heart start to beat faster and my palms automatically started to get sweaty as my eyes widened in panic. “Niall I can’t” I whispered.

Niall glanced at me as he parked the car. “Bee you can do this. It’s Zayn, not some stranger”

I shook my head before he even finished speaking “I can’t Niall! He hates me and I don’t think I can handle him saying that to me” I said my voice wavering.

Niall looked at me incredulously, “Bianca you’re the insane one! That boy doesn’t hate you; in fact it’s the opposite! He loves you”

“How do you know that Niall? Huh? Please tell me?” I argued.

“Because whenever he talks about you he has the biggest smile on his face! Whenever he hears your name his head whips around so fast as if someone said his own name! When he’s with you he’s constantly glancing at you as if he can’t take his eyes off you! When we’re away on tour he’ll scroll through pictures of you! You don’t notice or know these things but I do and I know for a fact that he loves you!” Niall ranted.

I stared at him open mouthed in shock. “I don’t believe you” I told him in disbelief.

“Well whether you do or don’t all I know is that you need to talk to Zayn” Niall said.

He got out of the car and opened my door as I started to protest but he covered my mouth with his hand.

“Bianca if you don’t walk up to Zayns apartment I will physically carry you up there so don’t test me” He said seriously.

I looked at him to see if he was serious and saw his unwavering gaze and decided I’d rather walk then be carried.

I huffed loudly but got out of the car and slammed the door shut.

Niall winced and looked at me in horror and said “What did my baby ever do to you?!”

I tried to stifle the giggle that threatened to escape my lips but failed.

As we walked up to Zayns apartment side by side I kept wiping my palms on my jeans and biting my lip nervously. When we neared Zayns apartment I felt my knees lock into place and saw Niall jerk back into place as he had linked his arm through mine.

“Niall I’m not ready for this. I don’t even know what to say” I whispered

You will be fine” Niall said stressing out each word as he dragged me to Zayns door and knocked before I could convince him this was a bad idea.

I decided to try one last time “Are you sure this is a good idea?” I whispered quickly.

Niall opened his mouth to respond but the door opened and there was Zayn. I felt myself stiffen as I looked him over. His hair was all over the place, he had dark circles under his eyes and he had a bit of stubble going on. My eyes trailed down to see his bare chest before I quickly snapped my eyes back to his as I felt my ears turn red in embarrassment.

Oh god he’s shirtless I thought to myself.

Suddenly Niall shoved me and I stumbled into Zayn who shot out his arms to catch me and in the process pulled me into his chest.

I turned around to glare at Niall trying to ignore Zayns gaze on my face as I felt my embarrassment double.

“Go talk and don’t even come out till all this is sorted.” Niall said finally and walked off leaving me staring at him open mouthed yet again.

Zayn cleared his throat and I turned to face him and realised how close we were and went to step back but his arms stopped me.

Zayn quickly realised and let me go but not before I saw the hurt look on his face as I stepped away from him. Crap now I feel bad.

“So uh do you wanna come in so uh we can talk?” Zayn asked scratching the back of his head nervously.

I bit my lip hesitantly and rocked back on my heels as I debated on what to do.

“Please?” Zayn pleaded, I glanced at his face and saw he was doing those adorable puppy eyes that I could never say no to. I mentally groaned but nodded silently to Zayn.

Zayn relaxed and stepped back so I could enter. I walked in and went straight to the couch and hugged one of the cushions to my chest as I watched Zayn sit down next to me.

It was silent for a while, neither of us saying anything, just looking at each other.

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and broke the silence.

“You look tired” I said to him.

“I could say the same to you, when’s the last time you had a good night’s sleep?” He asked concern written all over his face.

I shrugged and saw him frown at me before a determined look overtook.

He took a deep breath and said “Bianca I need to get this off my chest and I have a lot to say so please don’t interrupt okay?”

I nodded and clutched the cushion tightly feeling slightly scared about what he was about to say.

He ran a hand through his already messy hair and I was suddenly itching to run my fingers through his hair.

I shook my head to get rid of those thoughts and tried to focus on what he was about to say instead.

“First I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I overreacted about the Nate thing. I was jealous and I was stupid, I just felt like if anyone had a good chance and stealing you away from me it would be him because whenever I’m away from home you guys spend so much time together and I get that he’s your best friend but I thought he liked you but obviously now I know different but anyway I was a jerk about the whole Nate thing, I let jealousy get the best of me and I’m so sorry! All I know now is that I want you back; I want to be able to call you my girlfriend again because I miss you so much and I love you. I love you more than anything in this world, when I’m with you I just feel at home. Like your my home, god I don’t know how to explain this well without sounding like an idiot but you’re always in my thoughts, even at the back of my mind when I’m out performing your always there.”

He grabbed my hand at put it over his heart which I could feel beating incredibly fast under my hand. I tried to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat.

“You can feel how fast it’s beating? It only ever beats like that around you.” Zayn said sincerely staring into my eyes.

I felt my breathing get shallow as I looked back at him. His eyes were pleading with mine and my whole brain was screaming at me to kiss him.

“What about that girl?” I blurted out. My heart aching at the thought of Zayn with her.

“What girl?” Zayn asked looking genuinely confused

“At the club” I replied shortly.

“She was just a family friend who kept pushing herself on me. I swear I was pushing her away and I was about to leave when I saw you and I froze and I didn’t even realise what she was doing” he said honestly.

He was still holding my hand and rubbing soothing circles on my palm with his thumb.

I looked down at my lap and bit my lip as I thought about everything he had said. I felt tears run down my cheeks and tilted my head so my hair fell in front of my face.

“Bianca” Zayn said softly pushing my hair behind my ear and lifting up my chin to meet his gaze.

His grip on my hand tightened when he saw I was crying. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, I promise to protect you, even from myself if it comes to it” He said.

I couldn’t take it anymore. Every part of me was screaming to be near him so I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face into his neck.

I felt Zayn wrap his arms around my waist as he lifted me up on his lap so I was straddling him as he buried his face in my hair.

“I love you” I whispered.

He tightened his grip on me but drew back and I felt a whimper escape my lips. I needed to be close to him now so I tightened my grip on his neck preventing him from pulling back further.

I felt Zayn unwrap his arms from around my waist and reach behind his neck to my hands and pulled them apart so he could pull back to look at my face. He leant in and kissed down my cheek, then he went to the other cheek and let his lips trail down to my jaw and I felt myself shiver involuntarily as I realised he was kissing my tears away. He pulled back and licked his lips before leaning in.

He brought his lips inches away from mine and by now both of us were breathing heavily. “I love you” He whispered his breath washing over me as I trembled with desire.

Then he leant in and his lips finally made contact with mine. I moaned as I wrapped an arm around his neck and with my other hand gripped a fist full of his hair and tugged him even closer to me.

He groaned and bit my lip, crushing my body to his in the process. His hands were everywhere, running down my sides and up my thighs as he trailed his fingers across the skin on my hips igniting my body with heat trails wherever his fingers made contact. I couldn’t get enough of him; it had been too long since I had kissed him. We kissed like this for what felt like hours, furiously running our hands over each other’s bodies while we kissed each other passionately. I knew I was going to faint if I didn’t take a breath soon and I think Zayn felt the same because he reluctantly pulled his lips away from mine and rested his forehead against mine as he looked into my eyes.

“I love you” He whispered.

“I love you too” I whispered back. He smiled widely and leant in pressing his lips firmly against mine. This time the kiss was sweet and just as long.

“I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.” He said softly.

I smiled back at him, feeling pure blissful happiness.

Zayn suddenly stood up and I squeaked and tightened my grip on him as he put his hands under my bum to support me. I playfully glared at him as he smirked at me “Sorry I’ll warn you next time.” He said

“What makes you think there’s going to be a next time?” I asked playfully raising my eyebrows.

Zayn laughed and I felt a small smile appear on my face as I heard my most favourite sound in the world. His laugh.

Zayn noticed the look on my face and kissed my forehead as he carried me to his room and lowered me on the bed.

“I think we both need to catch up on sleep” He said chucking me boxers and a shirt. I nodded eagerly, I loved cuddling with Zayn, some of the best ever sleeps I’ve had have always happened when I’ve fallen asleep in his arms. I quickly stripped and put on his shirt which came about mid-thigh so I chucked his boxers back at him and hopped into bed.

He groaned as he looked at me lustfully “Really Bee?”

I shrugged innocently trying to keep the smirk of my face.

Zayn dropped his tracks and hopped into bed in only boxers, as he got under the covers with me he wrapped both his arms around me and hooked his leg around mine.

He kissed my forehead, then my eyelids and then my nose and my cheeks, saving my lips for last.

I could feel his stubble rub gently across my neck as he sucked on a sensitive spot on my neck giving me a hickey in the process.

He pulled back breathless and said “we really should sleep now”

I made an incoherent sound as I kissed along his jaw and then let my lips trail down his neck to kiss collarbone. I felt his grip on my waist tighten as my lips brushed over a sensitive spot on his collarbone and latched my lips onto the skin there and gave him a hickey. He let out a low groan and when I was satisfied with the hickey I gave him I pulled back and rested my head on his chest and sighed happily.

“Now we can go to sleep” I replied cheekily.

Zayn let out a chuckle and gave me a quick peck as he ran his hand through my hair and started humming a tune I didn’t realise.

Soon I was drifting off to sleep so I snuggled into Zayn and let the darkness take over but not before feeling Zayns lips press against mine once more.

When i meet One Direction should i be like:

This?:

OR THIS:

OR THIS?:

OR THIS?:

OR THIS?:

OR THIS?:

Really i’ll end up looking like this:

And One Direction will be like:

AND I’LL BE LIKE LOVE ME:

Chatting with my tutor abour 1D:

Tutor: How are those direction boys?

Me: Their good!

Tutor: Have they come out of the closet yet?

Me: *sigh* Not yet no.

Tutor: Oh that's a shame.

Me: Who do you think is gay by the way?

Tutor: Well quite frankly they all look gay but this one *points to Harry* looks suspicious. But he's the youngest so that might be misleading. Oh this one for sure! *points to Louis* Look at what he's wearing for starters! Definently gay!

Me: .....

Tutor: .....

Me: .....

Tutor: ....

Me: .....

Tutor: ....

Me: .....

Tutor: Was i wrong?

Me: I worship the ground you walk on.

When directionaters say they love One Direction more than me:

My reaction:

Me:Oh wait your serious?

Directionater: Yah ohemgee i love them soooo much! Lewis-

Me:………

One Direction, Fanfic: Around in circles Chapter 19:

                        One Direction, Fanfic: Around in circles

Chapter 19:

Bianca’s POV:

“She’s sleeping Niall be a little more quiet!” Zayn whispered.

“Sorry!” I heard Niall whisper loudly.

I held back a chuckle as I slowly opened my eyes and looked around the room. The first person I saw was Zayn and he was sitting by my bed, holding my hand and stroking my fingers lightly with his thumb. I felt my heart beat faster as I looked over him. His hair was floppy and looked so soft my fingers twitched under his hand, itching to reach out and run my fingers through it. I lowered my eyes and met his sparkling hazel eyes. He was looking at me intensely and I felt myself heating up and couldn’t look away.

Niall coughed uncomfortably and I dragged my gaze away from Zayn to look at Niall who chuckled awkwardly “I’m going to the cafeteria to grab some food I’ll come back when you guys are done doing whatever it is you were doing” He said waving his hands about and darted out of the room before I could protest.

I sighed and jumped when I felt Zayn squeeze my hand. He shot me an apologetic look and said “Sorry didn’t mean to scare you”

“Its fine” I said smiling at him.

He got up and made me scoot over in bed and hopped in next to me. I snuggled into his side as he kissed the top of my head and let out a sigh.

“I’m so glad you’re okay. I was a nervous wreck when you were in surgery” He mumbled into my hair.

“I’m sorry” I said quietly.

“You have nothing to be sorry about” He responded instantly. “It’s Nate who needs to apologies”

“Zayn…” I sighed. I bit my lip as I thought about what I was about to say. “I talked to Nate last night after you left.”

I felt Zayn tense before he sat up pulling me with him.

I groaned but quickly shut up when I saw Zayns eyes blazing.

“You talked to that fuckwit?” He asked harshly.

I winced and slowly nodded looking at him cautiously.

Zayn clenched his jaw even tighter and I raised my hand to touch his cheek when Zayn flinched back and jumped out of bed.

I was shocked and hurt when he did that and saw a look of regret flash in his eyes before anger replaced it.

“Zayn please” I whispered.

He shook his head at me and I could feel my internal panic start to escalate.

“Why did you talk to him? He’s the reason you’re here!” He said pacing.

“Zayn-“I tried to speak but he cut me off again.

“He forced himself on you and you expect me to just forgive him? You still want to be his friend after he did that?” He asked me his voice getting louder and louder.

“He’s been going through a tough time okay you don’t know what he’s been through!” I argued.

“You’re fucking defending him now?! Your letting him get between us again!” Zayn yelled.

“He never got between us! What are you-“

“HE NEARLY TOOK YOU AWAY FROM ME! YOU’RE IN THIS HOSPITAL BECAUSE OF HIM AND I NEARLY LOST YOU!” He shouted at me as I shrank back from him. The anger that was radiating of him was scaring me a little.

The door burst open and Harry, Liam, Louis and Niall were all there looking worried.

“What’s going on?” Harry asked.

Zayn ignored him and glared at the floor before looking up at me, his eyes were cold and angry and I flinched involuntarily.

“Are you going to forgive Nate?” He asked calmly.

I looked at him torn. I loved him with everything I had but Nate needed me too.

“I guessing that’s a yes.” He said quietly looking at me.

I saw a flash of pain cover his face and my heart clenched at the thought of him being in pain.

My eyes were watering like crazy but no tears had fallen yet. “Zayn please just let me explain” I said hoarsely, my voice getting stuck in my throat.

Zayn clenched his hands into fists and started walking towards the door. The boys didn’t try to stop him and moved out of the way.

I couldn’t breathe. He was leaving me. My whole body was tense and I could hear my heart pounding and felt my whole world shatter.

“I love you” I said to his back as he walked through the door and saw him freeze mid-step.

It was silent before I heard him say “So what?” and he walked out.

I let out a whimper as the tears started flowing freely.

Nialls eyes snapped to mine and I turned away and brought my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms tightly around myself as I let out quiet sobs. I felt someone’s arms wrap around me and someone else rub my back soothingly while I just held myself tighter. Trying to hold myself together as my whole world was falling apart. My sobs were getting louder and I could faintly hear Louis freaking out, if I wasn’t crying so hard I probably would have chuckled at how freaked out he sounded.

When I slowly started to gain consciousness I could hear people talking.

“I think it was too much for her to handle so her brain just shut down” Liam whispered.

“God what the hell was Zayn thinking?” Harry asked.

“Guys let’s just give him time to clear his head and in the mean time not let Bianca out of our sights.” Niall said worriedly.

“Do you think she’ll cut again?” Louis asked whispering.

“I honestly don’t know what to think, I’ve never seen her that… broken before.” Niall said clearly frustrated.

“I’ll go find Zayn and just make sure he’s okay, he’s probably smoking” Liam said sighing.

I heard him leave the room and the boys kept whispering quietly, not wanting to hear anymore I opened my eyes and saw Louis, Harry and Niall sitting there watching me.

“Hi guys” I said quietly wincing as my voice cracked at the end.

They got up and made their way over and stood around me, Harry grabbed my hand and said “It’s okay Bee, it’s going be to be okay”.

My breathing turned shallow as I tried to control the panic attack I could feel coming on.

Louis looked at me worriedly, “Your mums here if you want to talk to her…” He said trailing off as I shook my head.

Niall started to speak but I cut him off “No I don’t want to talk to my mum, I just want to go home” I said quietly looking down at my lap.

“Don’t do this Bianca” Niall said sounding frustrated.

“Do what?” I asked him.

“Push us away” he said quietly, running a hand through his blonde hair.

I sighed and looked away. “I’m sorry” I muttered my eyes tearing up.

Niall instantly wrapped his arms around me and more tears leaked out as I buried my face in his shoulder.

“Please don’t do anything stupid” He whispered.

“I can’t make any promises.” I said honestly.

“That’s what scares me” He said so quietly I wasn’t sure if I was meant to hear.

He unwrapped his arms around from me and pulled back just as my mum entered the room.

She looked at me worriedly but didn’t say anything.

“Can I go home yet?” I asked suddenly breaking the tension in the room.

She nodded and said “The nurse will be here soon to discharge you”

I nodded numbly and just kept counting down the time till I could go home and cry myself to sleep.

Everyone kept staring at me and it was making me feel on edge. “Guys you can go there’s no point in staying here.”

Harry opened his mouth to protest but I cut him off and said “Please I just… Please just go guys” I said quietly, seeing their faces I looked away seeing their pain.

“If that’s what you really want…” Niall said quietly trailing off as I nodded quickly, not trusting my voice enough to speak.

The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur. The boys left and soon I was discharged and in the car with mum on the way home.

She kept glancing at me but I pretended not to notice and kept staring out the window. The silence in the car was suffocating.

“Bianca what happened?” Mum asked.

“Nothing” I replied.

Mum sighed and said “Bianca you can’t really expect me to believe that”

I chose not to respond and just stayed silent, twisting my hands in my lap just waiting to get home.

“Bianca” mum sighed

“I had a fight with Zayn okay” I snapped. I bit my lip instantly as a wave of guilt washed over me for snapping at mum. “Sorry I just don’t want to talk about it” I muttered.

I expected mum to be angry but she just squeezed my hand comfortingly making me feel even more guilty for snapping at her before.

When we pulled into our driveway I quickly got out of the car and told mum I was just going to my room to sleep. I didn’t give her chance to respond as I hurried upstairs to my room and shut the door and collapsed onto my bed finally letting the tears fall freely. My body felt like it was on fire so I stripped down till I was only a shirt. Zayns shirt. It still faintly smelt like him.

Not having to hold the tears back anymore they streamed down my face as I wrapped my blanket around me tightly as if it was the only thing holding me together.

I didn’t even bother wiping my face as I knew new tears would quickly replace the old ones, I felt a pang of loneliness in my chest. I hated myself; I should have never let myself get close to anyone. I hated depending on people. Everyone leaves in the end I told myself stupidly. Soon I was letting out quiet little sobs and shut my eyes tightly wishing with all my might for the pain to just disappear.

I just want to die.

That thought made my eyes snap open; I hadn’t had any suicidal thoughts in a long time.

Where are my blades I thought frantically. I got out of bed and pulled out my bed slightly just as my bedroom door opened. I heard a gasp and spun around to see Nate in the doorway looking at me in horror.

I must have looked like a real sight.

“Bianca” he breathed out walking in slowly.

I shook my head slowly and took a small step back.

Nate froze before saying “It’s okay I won’t tell. Your mum just left to take care of your nana and you dads at work”

I let myself relax slightly but when I heard Nate gasp my head snapped up to see him looking at the cuts on my leg that were now visible.

I tugged down Zayns shirt trying to cover them but it was too late.

“When did you do this?” Nate asked sounding shocked.

“At the hospital” I muttered

“Why?!” He asked

My whole body tensed as I thought about Noah.

I felt my legs crumple beneath me and Nate raced over to me and held me tightly as I cried.

“Bianca you’re scaring me! Please tell me what’s wrong?!” He pleaded

My whole body was shaking furiously as I tried to calm my racing heart.

“Noah” I whispered so quietly I was sure he wouldn’t hear me. But he did.

He frowned and looked at me confused, “Who’s Noah?”

I just shook my head and kept crying as he slowly rocked me.

When I felt my eyes dry up I slowly pulled away from Nate and stood up shakily and sat on the bed. Nate followed and held my hand as he rubbed small circles on my palm soothingly.

He waited patiently as I gulped loudly and tried to find my voice.

“Zayn got really angry at me today, for speaking with you.” I said quietly as Nate tensed beside me.

I continued quickly and said “He left and I don’t know what to do, it felt like my whole world was crumpling around me. I couldn’t even be around the other boys. It feels like someone was clawing at my heart. The pain won’t go away.”

“And last night I cut, all over my leg, it felt like the sadness was leaving my body. The emotional pain was getting too much and by cutting the physical pain was taking over. It helped distract me, it made me feel better. Each cut was taking the pain away and I wanted all the pain to disappear so I just kept cutting and cutting” I said sounding slightly hysterical at the end.

Nate was squeezing my hand so tightly I’m surprised my blood circulation hadn’t stopped.

I could feel the tears building up again so I shook my head lightly and stood up quickly. “I need to leave” I told Nate.

“What?!” Nate said sounding panicked.

I grabbed my keys and started walking downstairs when Nate grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop.

“I’m coming with you” he said defiantly

I opened my mouth to protest but he cut me off by saying “Last time I let you walk away from me you ended up in the hospital, and it was my fault. So I’m coming with you whether you want me to or not.” He said demandingly

“Fine” I said grudgingly

We got into my car and I started driving.

“Where are we going?” Nate asked.

“Niall’s place” I said simply.

“Okay…” He said sounding confused.

“You know you’re still in just a shirt right?” he asked

I glanced down and realized he was right.

“I have a change of clothes in the back, can you reach over and grab the track pants for me please” I said.

“Sure” He said reaching around and grabbing them. It was a short drive as there was not much traffic at this time.
When we got to Niall’s apartment building I quickly pulled on the tracks before exiting the car with Nate.

He followed me as I walked into the building, when we were outside Niall’s door I knocked quickly before I could change my mind.

It opened quickly and Niall looked surprised to see us there.

I didn’t give him a chance to say anything before I launched myself into his arms and gave him a tight hug and murmured “Sorry”

He hugged me back just as tightly before letting go and dragging me and Nate inside.

Niall opened his mouth to speak before an abrupt knock interrupted him.

“I’m never going to get the chance to speak” He muttered to himself as he went to answer the door.

I let out a quiet chuckle and followed him.

When I saw who was at the door I froze and so did he.

“Zayn” I breathed out.

He didn’t say anything but he just looked me over with widened eyes and I cursed myself internally for not fixing myself up before leaving the house.

My heart was beating erratically at what was about to come.

“Zayn I think you should come inside mate” Niall said.

Zayn looked at him then back at me and walked inside.

When Zayn looked around he cursed under his breath and glared at something behind me. Or rather someone behind me.

I held my breath as I waited for the explosion.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” Zayn asked harshly

“I have every right to be here but you don’t” Nate retorted

I looked at Nate with wide eyes, what the hell was he playing at?!

“Nate!” I said warningly

“No Bianca he just left you, he shouldn’t have! Especially not after what you did the previous night…”

My eyes widened even further and I frantically shook my head but it was too late.

“What happened last night?!” Zayn asked with a hard edge.

Nate looked surprised then apologetically at me.

“Bianca?!” Zayn snapped.

I flinched and looked at him and saw his gaze soften for a second before a blank look overtook his face. It happened so quickly I swear I imagined it.

“She cut last night” Niall said

My mouth dropped open and I looked at him in shock.

“I saw this morning when Zayn went to get some coffee, it wasn’t my place to say anything” Niall said quietly.

Zayn looked furious but not at Niall more at Nate and I.

“You told him?!” he spat.

“I- Not intentionally he saw the cuts and-“

“You know what since you seem to tell Nate everything why doesn’t he be your boyfriend.” Zayn said abruptly.

“Wha-What?” I asked shakily.

“Since Nate’s so fucking close to you he can be your boyfriend.” Zayn said simply.

“Zayn don’t” Niall snapped.

“No Niall, I’m done” He said simply and walked out the door.

I quickly bolted after him shouting his name.

“Zayn! Zayn!” I yelled at his back but he never turned around.

I followed him to the parking lot trying to find the right words when he suddenly stopped and I nearly rammed into his back.

“I can’t believe you told him and not me” He said, the hurt was evident in his voice.

“Zayn don’t” I pleaded.

He looked at me and I felt my breath catch in my throat. He had tears running down his face but that’s not what made me freeze. It was the pain and hurt in his eyes that made my stomach drop.

He looked torn. He jumped into his car and speeded off leaving me there.

I still had my keys in my pocket so I got in my car, and heard Niall and Nate yelling my name. I ignored them and speeded off in the opposite direction from Zayn as I felt myself give up.

I can’t do this anymore I thought.

funny, so many other blogs get guesses asking if they are one direction…no body ever asked us- the one direction blog for directioners….. ;)

Around in circles

Chapter 18:

Bianca’s POV:

We both stood still staring at each other cautiously before his face broke into a wide grin.

“Bianca!” He almost yelled throwing his arms around me in a tight hug; I froze before relaxing into his embrace.

“Lee” I whispered again in shock.

I couldn’t believe it was Lee.

The same Lee that used to hang out with Zayn and I! We were the three musketeers! Zayn, Lee and I were the best of friends as kids till one day Lee’s family had to move because his dad got transferred. Lee was 15 at the time, the same age as me and Zayn would have been 16.

I took a step back and really looked at him. He still had the same hair cut as a kid. His sandy brown hair was sticking up in every direction as if he had been running his hands through it multiple times. His sparkling green eyes had a mischievous look to them. He was defiantly tanner than what I remember and he was a few centimeters taller than me, but he still had the same lean figure. His nose slightly crooked from a basketball injury if I remember correctly.

Lee stuck out his hands and did a twirl for me, “So are you done inspecting me?” He asked, grinning at me playfully.

I laughed out loud but stop abruptly when Lee tackled me into a hug again.

“Lee!… Can’t… Breathe” I gasped

He quickly stepped back and looked at me sheepishly; he opened his mouth to say something but snapped it shut when we heard footsteps coming down the hall.

My wide eyes met his as he grabbed my hand and pulled me behind as we ran through the corridors. He suddenly turned left into what I was assuming to be his room and shut the door quickly.

“That was close” Lee muttered.

I nodded silently because my ribs were aching and I was feeling weak in the knees. Lee grabbed my hand again and pulled me to his bed and motioned me to sit on it. I climbed on and sat with my back resting against the pillows, legs straight in front of me and he sat right next to me doing the same.

It was silent for a few moments but it wasn’t an awkward silence, which surprised me.

“It’s been so long, I don’t even know where to start” Lee said shaking his head.

I let out a quiet chuckle and replied “Well first why are you in hospital?” I asked worriedly.

“Oh just had a little surgery on my arm, not a big deal, just a sports injury” He said smiling at me.

“That’s good! I mean the sports injury isn’t but it’s just not as bad as I imagined it to be. Not that having a sport injury isn’t bad or anything I just-“

“Whoa Bianca take a breather it’s cool I get it” He said chuckling.

I sighed “Sorry just ignore my ramblings” I said.

“You’re still the same” Lee said sending a wink my way before a serious look dawned on his face, “Wait why are you in hospital?” He asked frowning.

I held back a laugh as I looked at Lee’s confused face; he was always a bit slow so he hasn’t changed much either.

“Iwasinacaraccident” I said quickly.

Lees eyes narrowed “You were in an accident?!”

Crap I didn’t think he would actually understand that.

“Yeah I was driving to Zayns house and a drunk driver hit me, I’m fine now, being discharged tomorrow” I said breezily.

“Where did you get hurt?” Lee asked, not dropping the subject.

I sighed again and said “Had some internal bleeding or something and just a lot of bruises and cuts and a bit of memory loss which I gained back this evening actually” I mumbled

Lee let out a quiet whistle “You always did try to downplay things when you got hurt” he said.

I shrugged my shoulders innocently making Lee nudge me gently.

“How’s Zayn? He must have been going crazy when you got hurt. I know I would if you were my girlfriend” He said casually.

When he said that I nearly choked on my own spit and just stared at him in shock.

“What?” He asked innocently.

“How- How did you know Zayn and I were dating?” I asked him

He gave me a funny look and said “I’m not living under a rock you know, I saw the magazines when they came out with all the gossip and I figured out straight away it was you and you basically confirmed my suspicions before.”

Well the magazine part made sense; Lee had been my best friend for years so it made sense that he would have recognised me. “Wait you said I confirmed your suspicions before? When? How?” I asked him incredulously.

Lee shrugged and said “The way you said his name and the look that came over your face just confirmed it”

“Fair enough” I muttered.

“Are you staying here permanently?” I asked

“Not sure to be honest, it’s a temporary thing at the moment so at the least 6 months” he said thoughtfully.

“That’s great! I can’t wait till Zayn knows you’re here! It’s going to be just like old times!” I said excitedly.

“Yeah even Noah will be there to bug us” Lee said laughing while I froze and felt the colour drain from my face.

I tried to keep my voice steady as I asked Lee quietly “Noah’s back?”

Lee looked at me strangely, “Yeah he got back from Australia about two weeks ago, said it wasn’t the place for him” Lee said shrugging.

I tried to keep my breathing even. Noah was here. Oh my god Noah. I could feel the panic start to bubble in my chest but shoved it down quickly.

Lee had closed his eyes but was still talking so he couldn’t see the panic on my face.

“Even though he’s an annoying older brother I did miss him so I’m glad he’s back for good”

I gulped and was about to speak when the door to Lees room opened.

A nurse was standing there and looked surprised for a second before a kind smile came on her face. “I’m sorry love I’ve got to take you back to your room before any of the other nurses notice you’re gone” She said.

“Alright” I said softly and slowly got out of bed.

Lee stood up too and gave me a gentle hug before saying “I’ll call you so we can meet up! The whole gang!” Lee said smiling widely.

I gave him a small smile and said “Can’t wait”.

I walked towards the nurse and turned around to wave at him one last time and followed the nurse back to my room.
My emotions were swirling around and I didn’t know what to do.

I must have been really out of it because before I knew it the nurse was tucking me in and she quietly bustled out of the room.

I grabbed my phone from the night stand and saw I had a message. I opened it and saw it was from Zayn. “Hope you have a good sleep beautiful! I’ll see you first thing in the morning, as soon as they start letting visitors in. Stay safe, love you <3 p.s I have the varsity jacket of mine you love to wear so ill bring it with me J xo”

A smile crept onto my face as I read this and instantly felt a bit better after hearing the Noah news.

Noah.

What am I going to do? I can’t go through that again but who do I tell? Zayn? No he was already so stressed out and Nate? He would be completely lost and Lee? I can’t. He’s Noah’s younger brother. If I told Niall or Liam or any of the other boys they would tell Zayn.

I bit my lip nervously while I weighed out all my options. I couldn’t tell anyone. I didn’t tell anyone before and now it’s too late.

I stared at the ceiling lost in thought and drifted off to sleep.

**************************************************

“Bianca!” Noah yelled.

I whimpered and cringed back as he came charging at me, “you’re late!” He yelled, angrily gripping my arms so tight it would leave bruises. I was scared and cringed away from him again.

Big mistake.

Noah grabbed my hip and dug his nails into my skin before slamming me against a wall.

I let out a painful yelp and quickly gasped “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be late my mum needed help with some work”

“Alright that’s okay then” Noah said.

He really is bi-polar I thought to myself silently.

He suddenly smashed his lips to mine and I half heartedly responded, knowing if I didn’t he would just hit me.

When he finally pulled away he kissed my forehead and said “I have to go to work but after work you better be here” he threatened.

I quickly nodded and he smiled at me. He kissed me again and once he left did I allow myself to relax. I could feel the tears building up as I sank to the floor.

I wish Zayn were here. He was away at camp the whole summer and Lee was at staying at a friends Bach for the next two weeks. I was completely alone. I had some girlfriends but I couldn’t tell them. I don’t think I could tell anyone. How do I even tell them? Oh hey by the way at the beginning of the summer holidays you know Lee’s older, hot mysterious brother? Well yeah he asked me out and I said yes and he was really sweet till he started getting possessive and jealous which resulted in him hitting me and now I don’t know how to escape his clutches so I just take it day by day.

My phone rang suddenly and I picked it up quickly in case it was Noah.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Bianca its Jack from science and I was wondering if we had any homework today that I missed” he said

“Actually you missed quite a bit.” I said

“Crap…” he muttered “Can you meet me at the coffee shop so I can borrow your notes?”

I looked at the clock and saw I had ages till Noah was back, “Sure!” I replied.

I hung up and left Noah’s apartment and went home to grab my stuff and went to the coffee place and waited there.

Jack came shortly after I arrived and I gave him the notes and was going to leave straight away but he convinced me to stay for a little while and shouted me to a hot chocolate.

Time passed by quickly and when I looked at the time I was taken by surprise before the panic set in.

I said bye to Jack in a rush and thanked him for the hot chocolate and ran all the way to Nate’s apartment.

His car wasn’t there yet so I let out a breath of relief and walked into his apartment and shut the door. I wasn’t really paying attention but when I saw something from the corner of my eye I whirled around and gasped.

Noah was standing there looking angry as hell.

I gulped and slowly tried backing away before Noah reached out and grabbed a fist full of my hair and brought my face close to his. I let out a hiss of pain as he pulled my hair.

I gasped and sat up quickly in bed, my chest was moving up and down rapidly and I was panting like crazy trying to catch my breath. I started crying quietly and brought my knees up to my chest ignoring the slight pain it caused me.

I can’t do that again. I can’t face Noah. The memories were still fresh and my mind and I looked around the room desperately when I saw it.

The nurses cart. Someone must have left it behind.

I got out of bed and shakily walked towards and saw a pair of scissors in a sealed packet.

I grabbed them and went back to bed and opened the packet.

My breathing got heavier and the tears came faster as I pressed the blade against my thigh and pushed down quickly and made a slicing motion.

A gasp escaped my lips and I stared at my leg as blood slowly pooled to the surface. It wasn’t enough. I could still remember the nightmare and I wanted to forget it. This was the best way to forget.

I put the blade on the same place and pressed it in deeply and made several cuts. There was more blood now and I watched fascinated as it slowly seeped through my skin. That was much better.

I just focused on the blood and the stinging sensation coming from my leg.

I took deep breaths and just watched the blood. The tears hadn’t even stopped once, they were continuous. My eyes felt itchy and tired so I got out of bed, wrapped the scissors in some paper and chucked it in the bin. Then I got some more tissues and cleaned my leg and got rid of the evidence.

When I finally settled back into bed I was exhausted and lay down and shut my eyes and thought about Zayn.

Maybe I could tell him about Noah. He could help me.

But what if he told your parents or the police and just made it more dramatic then it needed to be I argued with myself. It would be my word against Noah’s. What would Lee think?

I just need to keep Noah away from me and I’ll be fine. I could protect myself I didn’t need anyone’s help.

But Zayn would want to protect me. Wouldn’t he?

One Direction, Fanfic: Around in circles Chapter 17:

One Direction, Fanfic: Around in circles

Chapter 17:

Zayns POV:

Bianca’s breathing got deeper and I just watched her for a little while. When I thought about Nate my fists automatically clenched and I felt a wave of fury wash over me. I can’t believe he forced himself on Bianca. He was the reason she was crying. If it wasn’t for him Bianca would have been safe in bed, not driving to mine the same time that asshole drunk driver was. I tried to control my breathing and looked at Bianca again. She was okay I repeated to myself.

I slowly removed my arm from around her and eased out of bed. I kissed her on the cheek and left the room quietly. I looked around to make sure Nate wasn’t still hanging around and I saw Niall and Harry walking down the hall.

When they saw me they came rushing over.

Harry threw his arms around me in a tight hug before stepping back and asking me “Are you okay mate?” Before I could answer Harry shook his head and muttered “Stupid question of course you’re not, I’m sorry” He said apologizing.

I chuckled at Harry while both he and Niall stared at me like I was crazy.

“Bianca remembers everything now, she just fell asleep though” I said with a big smile on my face.

Niall looked relieved then let out a tiny whoop while Harry laughed and said “Thank god!”

I smiled widely at them and felt myself start to relax, but it didn’t last long because Harry asked “How did she remember again?”

I tensed again and clenched my jaw tightly.

“Nate came over and something just triggered all her memories.” I said tightly. It pissed me off that Nate was the one to trigger all of her memories.

“There’s more to it right?” Niall said slowly sensing my fury.

“The night of the accident he forced himself on her. He held her so tight it left bruises on her skin. If that dick hadn’t gone over to her house she wouldn’t have been in the accident! She left to get away from him because she was so upset” I said harshly.

Nialls eyes widened while Harry narrowed his eyes.

“That fucking bastard” Niall muttered when he got over the surprise.

“Did you hit him? Please tell me you did?” Harry asked.

I regretfully shook my head. “Bianca wanted me to stay and I couldn’t say no to her” I said sighing.

“Well I’m going to hit the bastard then” Harry said firmly.

Before I could respond we heard a scream come from Bianca’s room.

I jerked as if someone had shocked me. I pushed Bianca’s door open and ran inside looking around widely to see what was wrong. Harry and Niall followed closely behind.

Bianca sat up in bed, tears streaming down her face. I rushed to her side and cupped her face. Her breathing was erratic and her eyes wide with fear.

“Bee its okay everything’s okay” I cooed.

She gasped and flung her arms around my neck and held me in a tight choke hold. I wrapped my arms around her tightly and kept whispering in her ear “its okay, you’re okay.”

She sobbed into my neck and I felt my heart thud painfully. I wanted to take away the pain but I didn’t know how. She couldn’t even talk.

I rocked her slowly and said “Bee, match you’re breathing with mine.”

I took extra long and slow breaths and Bianca started copying it and soon enough she had calmed down.

“Sorry” Bianca muttered embarrassed.

“Don’t apologize, you have nothing to apologize for” I murmured.

Bianca looked down and wouldn’t meet my eyes so I tilted her chin up so she would have to look at me. I stared into her dark chocolate brown eyes, noticing her usual specks of hazel looked dull.

“I mean it Bee” I said softly.

“Thanks” She whispered, her breath washing over my face.

I leant in and pecked her lips softly. Just as I pulled away we heard a throat clear ad I looked up to see Niall and Harry standing there.

I had completely forgotten they were there for a second.

Bianca looked up at them and a smile overtook her tear stained face.

“Niall! Harry!” She said, holding her hands up demandingly.

They came over and gave her a hug and stepped back.

“What’s wrong Bee?” Niall asked

I watched Bianca’s reaction and saw the colour drain from her face.

“No-nothing.” She stammered.

We all stared at her and she looked at us all nervously.

“What?” She asked defensively

“Do you honestly think we are going to believe that bull crap?” Harry said

She bit her lip and said “It was just a dream don’t worry.”

“Bianca” I said sighing.

“Leave it guys” she said stubbornly

I groaned, she had to be the most stubborn person ever at the worst possible time!

“Fine” I snapped.

I saw a look of hurt flash in Bee’s eyes. She looked down at her hands wringing them nervously.

“I’m sorry Bee” I said sincerely.

She peaked at me from the corner of her eye and softly said “It’s okay.”

We were suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door.

A nurse popped her head in and said “I’m sorry but visiting hours are over.”

I sighed and hugged Bianca close to me. “See you tomorrow, I love you” I said quietly and bent down and kissed her on the forehead.

I started to straighten up again when Bianca wrapped an arm around my neck and pulled me down again and kissed me full on the lips.

“Now you can go” she said cheekily. “Love you too”

I felt the corner of my lips tugging up and went to lean down to kiss her again before Harry pushed me and said “Move!” jokingly

I glared at him while Bianca giggled. Harry gave her a hug and whispered something to her that made her laugh out loud.

Niall hugged her too and kissed the top of her head.

The nurse was waiting patiently at the door and ushered us out when we were done saying good bye.

I waved at her one last time and tried to relax my tense body. I didn’t like leaving her in the hospital but they wouldn’t let me stay with her.

I couldn’t wait till tomorrow. I desperately wanted to keep talking to her about what got her so worked up. I would get it out of her I thought determinedly.

Bianca’s POV:

When Zayn, Niall and Harry left I collapsed onto my pillows and tried to think about anything else other than the dream I had earlier.

My phone buzzed on my table next to my bed and I eagerly picked it up hoping for a distraction.

Well it definitely proved to be a good distraction. Nate was calling.

I hesitated, staring at the screen before telling myself to man up.

I picked it up and didn’t say anything at first, just listened.

“Bianca?” I heard Nate ask.

My throat involuntarily closed up and I couldn’t find it in me to say anything back.

“Bianca I hope you’re listening because I’m so sorry. Please please don’t leave me” He cried.

I felt my skin crawl when I heard Nate cry. I wanted to comfort him but after everything he had done? Zayn would be so upset I thought. But then again it’s not Zayns decision.

“Bianca I’m sorry I came to your house when I was drunk and high. I was upset about my dad and I didn’t know where else to go and I don’t know what came over me but I promise not to do it again.” Nate pleaded.

I listened to him silently but when I heard him cry again something inside me cracked.

“Nate, its okay” I said hoarsely.

I heard Nate suck in a deep breath. “What?” He asked.

“It’s okay” I repeated. “You were upset, you did something stupid. Just don’t let it happen again” I said chuckling weakly.

Nate let out a sigh. “Thanks Bambs. I promise it won’t happen again”

“Good” I said softly. “Is everything okay with your dad?” I asked

“It’s alright” he said gruffly “But more importantly, are you okay?”

“I’m fine Nate, honestly!” I said.

“Can I come visit tomorrow?” He asked hesitantly

“Um I’m being discharged tomorrow so you can come home, but maybe when Zayn isn’t there. He’ll still be angry” I said.

“With good reason” Nate said dejectedly.

“He’ll come around, he doesn’t know what you’re going through at home” I replied

“And he’s not going to find out right?” Nate said sternly

“I know I know I won’t tell him” I said sighing.

“Good” replied Nate sounding relieved.

I yawned and Nate chuckled. “I better let you get some sleep, don’t need anyone hating me more” he said.

I laughed quietly and said “No one hates you Nate”

Silence.

“Okay they strongly dislike you” I muttered.

Nate laughed and said “It fine Bambs, goodnight, sweet dreams!”

“Night Nate!” I sang. I disconnected the call and put my phone back on the table.

I looked the time, it was 10pm. I wasn’t sleepy and figured I could just walk around the hospital, try and tire myself out.

So I swung my legs over the bed and jumped out. I let out a little hiss as I felt some pain in my ribs and mentally scolded myself for jumping.  I opened the door and poked my head outside.

No one was around so I stepped out, my feet touching the chilly floor.

I started walking down the hall and was about to turn around the corner when I bumped into someone. I felt myself fall backwards and shut my eyes tightly waiting for the impact that never came because whoever they were wrapped their arms around me and pulled me flush against them.

My eyes snapped open and met a pair of dazzling green eyes.

“Bianca?” He whispered in shock.

My mouth dropped open in surprise.

“Lee?” I whispered.

Talking to my tutor about One Direction:

Him: Have they come out of the closet yet?

Me: Not yet

Him: What a shame.

Me: Who do you think is still in the closet?

Him: *Points at Louis* This one looks a bit suspicious. *Then points at Harry* He looks a bit girly but that might be because he's the youngest. Well quite frankly they all like they could be in the closest.

Me: ......

Him: .....

Me: .....

Him: ....

Me: You couldn't be more right.